Covenant Ring

When a young woman finds a man with whom she is in love, she pledges herself to marry him. She takes his name and leaves her family and her home to live with him. She makes vows to never leave him, and to be faithful despite any circumstances that may arise. As a symbol of their covenant of love and faithfulness, they exchange rings. 

I don't wear a purity ring. I wear a covenant ring. What's the difference? A purity ring represents a young woman's or young man's promise to stay sexually pure until marriage. A covenant ring represents a young woman's or young man's marriage covenant with God. With this ring, I promised to stay faithful to God, pursuing and seeking Him first {Matthew 6:33}. I promised to follow Him wherever He leads, despite any circumstances that may arise. I promised to wait, both sexually and emotionally, for the man with whom He will join me according to His perfect plan. My maker is my husband and my lover {Isaiah 54:5}, and He will give me a new name {Revelation 3:12}.  His love is perfect, and I will give Him my entire heart until and even after He sees fit to bless me with a man who seeks God more than he pursues me.

GRACE

God's grace really is amazing. It's not just a cliché. Every time I think I have my mind wrapped around the craziness of God's grace, He goes further and deeper than I thought possible. Take for example Nehemiah 9.  I have been reading through the Bible this year (successfully this time!) and Nehemiah is one of the last Old Testament books that this plan has me read. Throughout the whole Old Testament, we see Israel fall time and time and time and time and time and time again. There are a bunch of Old Testament prophet books in which God is warning the Israelites to turn from their sin. It's hard to get a picture of the whole story all put together of the Israelites and God, but Nehemiah 9 does so beautifully. At this point, you can go ahead and grad your Bible and read that. (I would type it up on here but that would make for a ridiculously long blog post)

Now that you've read Nehemiah 9, I want to remind you that this was before the covenant made with Jesus's blood. This was before our sins were forgiven and we were redeemed in the eyes of the Father. How much more will He have grace with us, after Jesus's blood has taken away our every sin! Meditate on that a little today, and let God blow your mind a little.

He is worth it.

I just felt to encourage you to pursue God. Seek Him above all else. Sometimes He asks us to do things that are hard. HARD. I don't care how lame it seems, sometimes when He asks us to do something, it's hard. It is those times that we question Him or try to ignore Him and do it our own way, but let me tell you, HE IS WORTH IT. He's asked me to do things in the past few months that were very hard for me and I ignored Him for a long time; my relationship with Him became strained and forced. I finally gave in and did what He said, and HE IS WORTH IT. Pursue Him. Devote time to Him. Passionately, recklessly abandon your heart to the one who made it and let Him rule your life. HE IS WORTH IT. Looking in, it seems like a lot to give up, or a lot of time to spend on Him, or too much effort, but He is so worth it. I can't even put into words how beautiful He is when you finally give in and let Him love you. 

This isn't a one-time deal. You have to choose Him every day. We tend to forget how great His presence is when we're not in it, so you have to continually come back and humble yourself before Him. But, He. Is. Worth. It.

Enough

"Christ is Enough" We hear it a lot in contemporary worship. "Christ is enough for me!" we proclaim, and yet I think sometimes we misinterpret this phrase. There are two ways of looking at this phrase, and I believe both can be right. But, if we're only looking at one, we may end up confused at life's circumstances. You can look at it like this: "Christ is enough. He provides everything I need and gives me the desires of my heart. He provides; He gives." or, you can look at it like this: "Christ is enough. I don't need anything else beside Him. If I am to live with little or nothing; so be it. Christ is enough."

Matthew 4:4 says "Jesus answered, 'It is written, "Man doesn't live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."'" In Matthew 10, Jesus sends the 12 disciples to preach the Gospel, and He says to them, "Do not take along any gold or silver or copper in your belts; take no bag for the journey, or extra tunic, or sandals or a staff..."

Christ sometimes calls us to situations that are uncomfortable. C.S. Lewis said, "If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don't recommend Christianity." Sometimes Jesus tells you to go live in a shack with absolutely nothing to your name but the clothes on your back. Sometimes He calls you to move across the world and preach the Gospel and maybe die for the Gospel. Sometimes He tells you to go to Mexico and get wet and cold and not sleep and be cold and get muddy and be cold. When He calls us to situations like these, "Christ is enough" doesn't make sense if we're trying to understand it as "Christ gives me what I think I need to live." These are the times when we still our hearts and choose to say "Christ is enough. I don't need anything else."

His perfect handiwork

Recently I have been struggling to connect with God in my quiet times, and I have been wondering why it's been so hard to feel close to Him and just enjoy Him and worship Him for who He is. I have persisted, but it's frustrating to eel far away when I want so badly to be close to Him.

Today the veil was lifted and I feel closer to Him than I have in a while. I saw suddenly very clearly that I had been coming to Him with an anticipation of His disappointment. I came with the intention of trying to appease Him, trying to earn His love, to give Him something in order to earn His love. Today He tore away the wall and said:

      My beautiful and invaluable Daughter,
I love you so much.
Stop coming to me with apprehension; I'm not disappointed in you, and I don't expect anything from you. My heart aches just to be with you. When you come to me, I will N E V E R reject you or examine you and find you not good enough.
My Blood covers you. All I see is my perfect handiwork.
I love you more than mere words could ever say.
The greatest love you have ever felt for anyone is but a speck of sand next to the sun of my love.
I. love. you.

What more is there to say? I am so full of love. Abba, I am amazed at You.

About or because of?

As I have grown up, Christmas seems to have lost some of the wide-eyed wonder that I remember it having as a child. Maybe it's because I'm older and more aware, or maybe it's because throughout the last 10 years or so, Christmas has become awfully commercialized. As much as we try to emphasize and tell our young ones and teach that Christmas is not about presents, our "it's all about me" culture stands in direct opposition to that. Even in my mind, Christmas is immediately associated with the busyness.... of shopping for gifts. Black Friday (or should I say Thursday?), and TV ads obsessed with stuff don't help much.

 See, as much as we say that Christmas is about Jesus, I think that it's not anymore. Not even for most Christian families. In my opinion, the church has followed right along with the secular belief that Christmas is about family, food, and giving gifts. It only takes a second to realize that those three thing dominate the season, and Jesus takes the back seat, possibly getting mentioned when we read the Christmas story on Christmas morning. It goes so far that when we explain Operation Christmas Child to young kids, the thing we put emphasis on is that the kids may never have received a Christmas present before, not that they may never have heard about Jesus!

For the church, I believe Christmas has shifted from being about Jesus, to being because of Jesus. For example, we call Sunday "Sunday" because of the Latin phrase "dies solis," which means sun's day, the name of a pagan Roman holiday. Does that mean that Sunday is about worshipping the sun? No! It's called that because of an old holiday, it's not about it. In the same way, just because we celebrate Christmas because Jesus was born, that doesn't mean we make it about Him.

The world is fierce with its commercialization. It is estimated that the average American sees 3,000+ advertisements every single day. We have to make a point to make Christmas about Jesus, not just because of Him.

Tangible Love

God is so faithful. I say it so often it sounds redundant but really, for lack of a better and stronger word, He is faithful. Nothing could really describe Him, nothing can ever really capture what He does for His children.

It's starting to really hit me that I'm moving to Texas in August. I'm starting to realize what it implies, and it's stirring two different reactions: excitement and sadness. I am really excited to go to Texas and seek what God has for me; I've known Teen Mania for a long time and I know that the Honor Academy will grow me in ways I never imagined possible. I'm also starting to realize that I am moving across the country and that means that I won't be able to see my closest friends and family everyday anymore. I wrote a lot about this in my last post. I say to Him, "You are worth it," because He is. He is proving to me over and over and over and over and over and over that He would never call me to something that He wouldn't walk through with me.

Recently He has given me these scriptures and songs:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:9-10

Called Me Higher by All Sons and Daughters

Counted the Cost by Rend Collective Experiment

He is Faithful by Brian and Katie Torwalt

Never Once by Matt Redman

Your Hands by J.J. Heller

If you have a chance, look up these songs. They are so Spirit-filled, and give me so much hope.

Here's a testimony about His faithfulness: Saturday night I had stayed up too late reading (as usual) and eventually had gotten to thinking about moving. I started to cry, thinking about everything that I'm leaving behind. God comforted me and I stopped crying, but I could feel it like a burden. I decided to check my Facebook before going to bed, and someone had posted "The valley of weeping is a place where we do not dwell but pass through to the heights! What a hopeful thought!" I went to bed in peace, knowing that He is with me. Then, the next morning in church, I turned around after worship, and there, sitting on my chair was a brand-new book that I have been waiting to read for almost two months. In it was a note from my former children's pastor, encouraging me to continue following God and doing what He says. It may sound dumb but that was one of the most touching gifts I have ever received, simply because it was God reaching down to me through her just to say that He cares. Pastor John's sermon was about Hope, how it is the knowing that tomorrow will be better than today.

His love for me that day was so tangible I could almost reach out and touch it. In fact, I could, in the form of a book. He is faithful. He won't call me anywhere that He won't walk next to me the whole entire time.

"You are worth it."

I'm leaving for Texas in August to go to the Honor Academy for a full year, and it is slowly becoming more real to me. I'm beginning to experience "lasts": My last year of volleyball, last year of school, last year of co-op, etc. I continually find myself looking forward and seeing all the things I'm not going to be doing anymore; all the things I'm leaving behind.

I often think of all my friends that I'm leaving behind; every time I'm with them, it's always at the back of my mind that this is another countdown: I only have so many times left with them before I leave. As I go through my days, hanging out with my brothers and helping take care of the two little boys we babysit everyday, I am always reminded that I don't have much time left; that soon there will be a day when I don't get to be around my two brothers, two of my very best friends, all day every day anymore. Every time I babysit Brennan and McKenna, the two awesome kids I babysit on  regular basis, I know that the time is precious, that there's only so much left before I leave.

I know that even though I'll only be at the Honor Academy for a year, God will be taking somewhere else after it. I'm not called to stay in Lafayette for the rest of my life; I know that for a fact. When I leave in August, it will have a finality that sometimes, I don't feel ready for at all. Sometimes, I just cry. I cry out to God, telling Him that I'm not ready for this yet. I can't just leave; I'm too young! How could I leave all these beautiful people that I love so very much? My heart cries in agony, knowing that I will miss them in a way I've never missed anyone before.

But God has called me; of this I am certain. He's called me to surrender, and follow Him no matter the cost. I've decided to follow Jesus, no turning back. And every time I get sad, every time my heart cries out that it's too soon, that I haven't had enough time, I say to Him, "You are worth it."

Taking the Offensive

I played volleyball on a competitive team for 5 years before graduating this year, and I've learned a lot from my experience on the team. 

Right now God is really challenging me to be more consistent and passionate in my prayer life. He's showing me this way: 

There are two ways to play volleyball as a team. You can play defensively, or you can play offensively. When a team plays defensively, they are only trying to keep the other team from getting a point. They don't usually get the ideal three hits before sending the ball back over the net, and when they do, it's usually a really easy ball that the opponent will have no problem returning. They are merely trying to survive, and depending on the other team to make a mistake for them to get a point. When a team plays offensively, they are constantly setting themselves up so their third hit can be an attack, hopefully an attack that the other team cannot possibly return. Every hit on the ball has purpose, and they never send an easy ball over the net. They do not wait for the other team to make a mistake to get a point, they aggressively pursue the points. Every time the ball goes over the net, they realize that this is their opportunity to make a point, and they don't squander any of these opportunities. The other team has to be constantly ready to move and dive for the ball because this team isn't sending over any easy balls. 

God wants me to take the offensive in my prayer life. I am not here merely to survive and try to recover every time the devil attacks me, just barely being able to keep myself together until the next attack comes. God has called me to take the offensive, taking every opportunity to attack the devil. I'm not called to try to take what he sends me and recover from it, I'm supposed to take it, set myself up for an attack, and then take it! I should be giving the devil a hard time, and he should be barely recovering from my attacks. I should not be sending him any easy balls!  When I sit down to pray, when I set up for an attack, he should be scared out of his wits, wetting his pants, trying his best to prepare for an attack he knows he cannot possibly return. 

Distracted.

I never wake up in the morning and think to myself, "I'm not going to spend time alone with God today. I don't feel like it. There's a lot of other things that I'd rather do." I don't wake up with the intention of crossing my quiet time off my to-do list in favor of anything that might strike my fancy as the day goes on. But it happens. It's true for every single Christian, ever. Everyone, at some point or another, chooses the world over God; chooses doing whatever we want instead of choosing Him. 

How does it happen? I fall into bed at night, angry at myself for letting it happen again, promising myself it won't happen tomorrow. It won't! But what happens? I do it again. The next night I chastise myself and cry and despair and make a million promises I can't keep. "Why?" I ask myself. Why do I constantly choose not to spend time with Him? 

Here's the answer: because I'm always intending to get around to it, eventually. You see, Satan doesn't have to come and try to get me not to do my quiet time. He doesn't have to try to make me cross it off my list completely; he doesn't have to convince me it's not worth my time. He only has to distract me. That's it. He doesn't even have to try to make me sin! It could be anything. A lot of times for me it's in the morning when he throws the load of school I have for the day in my face, insisting it's urgent enough that I have to do it before my quiet time. Then I remember I'm reading this awesome book and maybe I could read a few chapters before lunch... I couldn't fit my quiet time between now and lunch anyways. And then I remember I need to shower because we're going somewhere later; better do that. Then I remember tomorrow is violin lesson and I haven't practiced at all this week; I probably should before my lesson. Mmm, I'm feeling lazy now and Netflix is calling to me with its sweet, seductively time-wasting promise of brain-dead pleasure. Oh darn, now we have to go somewhere! When I get back, I inevitably feel a little unsettled since I'm an introvert, so I need some tea and a book and maybe some knitting to relax, then I'll do my quiet time before bed. But this book is so enthralling, and before I know it, it's ten till midnight and I'm mad at myself for letting time get away from me and staying up this late. I have to get to bed immediately or I won't get up till ten tomorrow! 

And then this is the part where I get angry at myself for not doing my quiet time. I cannot even express in words how often the day described above is more or less, my average day. That's exactly how it happens. 

So what's the solution? How do I dedicate my whole heart to God and devote myself to Him? I have to strive to make Him a priority. He has to be at the top of my list, sitting on the throne of my busy day, and absolutely nothing can be allowed to dethrone Him for any reason at all. He has to come before everything, literally. I have to wake up and praise Him and read His word first thing, or it'll never happen. I have to set rules for myself. I have to say, "Faith, you cannot read, cannot do school, cannot watch Netflix, cannot get on Pinterest (the other time-wasting king), cannot knit, cannot do anything, until you get on your knees and seek Him. 

Nothing is more important.

Courage and boldness

God has been speaking to me about boldness and courage a lot lately. He's been showing me what it means to be bold and showing me situations in which I have the chance to be bold, and I don't even realize it. 

We tend to think that being bold has a lot to do with doing crazy, adventurous things like in the movies and a lot less about making choices. However, the picture of courage and boldness that Hollywood has painted for us isn't always the case. 

You see, Hollywood has painted a picture that says that doing adventurous things and being outspoken and extroverted are equal to being bold, but God says that we are most bold when we make the right choices. Making the right choice is hard. It's hard to die to your flesh and give up what you want for what He wants! And yes, sometimes God calls us to do things that are bold in the Hollywood-sense, like me moving at Texas in August or speaking publicly, but the chance to be courageous and bold by making the right choices comes every single day. 

Now you all know by now that I'm a major bookworm, so I'm going to use an example from J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit. Because of the recent movie, you probably know part of the context, but the part I'm going to talk about isn't in the movie. 

Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit (a smallish kind of creature that dislikes any kind of disturbance or excitement in general), is on a quest to help some dwarves regain their mountain, which is being inhabited by a large dragon named Smaug. The dwarves send Bilbo into the mountain to spy on Smaug, and here's what Tolkien (or the narrator) has to say about Bilbo's courage at that moment:

"'Now you are in for it at last, Bilbo Baggins,' he said to himself. 'You went and put your foot in right in it... and now you have got to pull it out and pay for it! Dear me, what a fool I was and am! ... I have absolutely no use for dragon-guarded treasures, and the whole lot could stay here forever, if only I could wake up and find this beastly tunnel was my own front hall at home!'

He did not wake up of course, but went still on and on, till all sign if the door behind has faded away. He was altogether alone. Soon he thought it was beginning to feel warm. 'Is that a kind of glow I seem to see coming right ahead down there?' he thought.

It was. As he went forward it grew and grew, till there was no doubt about it. It was a red light steadily getting redder and redder. Also it was now undoubtedly hot in the tunnel. Wisps of vapour floated up and past him and he began to sweat. A sound, too, began to throb in his ears, a sort of bubbling like the noise of a large pot galloping on the fire, mixed with the rumble as of a gigantic tom-cat purring. This grew to the unmistakable gurgling noise of some fast animal snoring in its sleep down there in the red glow ahead of him. 

It was at this point that Bilbo stopped. Going on from here was the bravest thing he ever did. The tremendous things that happened afterwards were as nothing compared to it. He fought the real battle in the tunnel alone, before he ever saw the vast danger that lay in wait. " (J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit, pages 232-233. Emphasis mine.)

Out of all the amazing things Bilbo did in his adventures, all the courage and valor and boldness he showed in the different battles and situations, this was his bravest feat. The choice he made in that tunnel to continue to help the dwarves in the face of incredible fear was the bravest thing he ever did.  This kind of courage is not often mentioned in stories today. People like to see characters being brave is fights and battles, but you never see their personal battles going on when they make decisions. 

God is beginning to grow me in this, and teaching me how to have courage in the quiet way, when no one's watching.   

Amazed.

I just wanna give God some props for being absolutely amazing. He is so good. I think back over the past couple of years, and He has grown me so much. I remember how, not so long ago, the only great times I had in His presence were strictly at camp or Acquire the Fire or on a missions trip. I had such spiritual highs there, and in those places I would have amazing worship experiences; it was there that I felt closest to Him. 

How much has changed! After struggling for so long to keep up my quiet times, I now find them to be the best times I have with God. Sometimes, to my amazement and God's glory, I even find myself in a public worship experience (church, youth, etc.), and I actually desire to be alone with Him! I actually stand there at church or whatever and anticipate greatly the chance to be alone with Him, privately. I've shed tears with Him, been greatly moved by His presence while being alone with Him. 

If you had told me two years ago that I would be learning new things from God on my own, without a pastor preaching it, I wouldn't have believed you. But I find myself being molded and changed and taught and grown under His gentle guidance, with nothing but a guitar for worship, a Bible for reading, and a notebook to catch every word that comes from the mouth of the Father.

All to His glory. None of this is me. God knows, I still struggle to get alone with Him even after so much growth. I am utterly faithless but His faithfulness exceeds everything ever. He is so good. 

In view of eternity

I've played violin for almost 6 years now, so I've gotten to playing music that is very hard and complicated such as Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, Vivaldi, etc. When I'm learning a new song, most of the time, several times throughout the song, there's a group of notes or a transition from one set of notes to another that I don't understand at all. It's not that I can't read the notes; I know what they say perfectly well. It's that I can't understand how the song is supposed to sound. A lot of times that group of notes or transition sounds terrible. When I'm struggling to get through the song while practicing, I get to the note and I don't want to play it because it doesn't sound right to me.

But when, eventually (usually not for some months later), I get to the point where I've finally learned the whole song and can play it through pretty well. It's then, when I can hear the whole song played together, that I understand that group of notes or transition. On its own, it made no sense to me. But in view of the whole song, it makes for a part of the song that is unique and really actually sets apart the okay composers from the great composers. 

I think in life we come across situations and changes that we don't understand in the same way. It makes no sense at all why someone in our family has to die, or go through a sickness, or be separated from family or whatever the situation is. As long as we're looking at the situation just in contrast to the season of life that were in right now, it won't make sense. But one day, we're going to see everything. We're going to see how God planned everything to fit His perfect will and used situations that seemed to be completely pointless to bring Him glory.

Doubt

"Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'

Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'"  (Matthew 14:29-31) 

Here's the thing about this situation. When Peter saw the waves and became afraid and began to doubt, he started to sink. To us it is quite obvious the reason for his sinking: he started to doubt. He was afraid, and in the moment, he didn't trust that Jesus would keep him afloat. 

But today I was reading this passage and it occurred to me that in the situation, Peter probably thought the reason he was sinking was because of the wind and waves. After all, he sees the wind, and immediately starts to sink. So he probably thought that the reason he was sinking was because of his situation/surroundings, not because he doubted. 

How many times do we think this in our everyday lives? Life gets us into so many situations where we cry out, "Lord, save me!" But when we get to that point of being overwhelmed, where we cry out to him because we think we're going to drown, what if the reason were about to drown is because of unbelief? Yes, obviously the troubles are there whether we believe on Christ to keep us afloat or not, but whether we start to drown under them is up to us.

God's Love

God loves you. 

What a cliché statement! It is so utterly overused that I feel it has lost almost all meaning in today's society. You see it and hear it everywhere. 

It is so often connected with Jesus's death on the cross that I have found, even in my own life, that His love for me appears to be an action by itself. We emphasize love being an action, and neglect the fact that it is also and just as much so, an emotion. 

When people say "Jesus loves you so much that He died for you!" it registers with me subconsciously not that He feels moved by me, not that He desires to be with me so much that He would do anything to be with me, not that He is blessed by my presence, not that I am more precious to Him than anything else in creation, but that He simply practiced an action which was habitual to Him because of who He is. When people say He loves me I think that He does stuff for me. 

But think of this: marriage was designed to imitate and create a picture of our relationship with Christ. So think of a man who is utterly, insatiably, in love. Think of how he gazes at his wife and loves everything about her. He knows the little, tiny, insignificant facts about her and is crazy about them for no other reason than that he loves her. He knows her little quirks and smiles at them. He sees her little habits and chuckles at how cute they are. He looks at her and just purely loves. He loves her. No strings attached. He just loves her. That's all. For everything; despite everything.

That's a very small, unsatisfactory, inadequate allegory of how Christ loves us. He is moved by us. He longs for our presence. He sees the tiny, insignificant little facts about our personalities and smiles because He created us like that.  

Knowing this changes the way we view ourselves in relation to sin and guilt and shame and grace. For example, I miss my quiet times often. I feel guilt and shame, subconsciously thinking that God is disappointed in me. But in view of the way God loves me, I know that He is not disappointed but in fact just longing to be with me. That is all. We can view grace differently in view of this because then we know that He forgives and pardons us not just because He is good and gracious, but also and just as much so because He loves us so much He wants to look past our sins just to be with us. 

I got a revelation of all this today as I was cleaning my room while listening to classical music. I had discovered a book on my shelf in the middle of putting something away and got distracted and sat on the floor and started reading it. There I was, in my pajamas on my floor reading a book while in the middle of cleaning my room. And listening to classical music. And Jesus said, "I love that. I love how you just randomly sit in the middle of your floor and read even though you're busy doing something else. I love that you listen to classical music even though no one else does. I love how you love to read so much that you'll read more than one book at a time. I love your insatiable curiosity. I made you like that. I love you." 

Woah.

How different and more beautiful is His love than what we think it to be! 

I love you, Jesus.

High Places and Idols

God is very obviously speaking to me a lot about idols. Today, actually, the sermon at church and a book I'm reading and my Bible reading all harmoniously worked together. 

Pastor John talked about leaving a legacy of faith, and how we are to live today in order that our children and grandchildren would see our example and follow. He really challenged us to leave a Hebrews 11-type legacy.

The book I'm reading right now is called Gods at War by Kyle Idleman. He talks in this book about things in every person's life that have become idols that we worship in place of God. 

Right now in my Bible reading part of what I'm reading is in first and second kings. To be completely honest, these books can be a little bit boring at times. But I noticed that there are 3 different types of kings in the Kings books:

1.) Ones who did evil in the eyes of The Lord. An example is Jehoahaz: "In the twenty-third year of Joash son of Ahaziah king of Judah, Jehoahaz son of Jehu became king of Israel in Samaria, and he reigned seventeen years. He did evil in the eyes of The Lord by following the sins of Jeroboam son of Nebat, which he had caused Israel to commit, and he did not turn away from them." (2 Kings 13:1-2)

2.) Ones who did right in the eyes of The Lord. An example is Hezekiah: "in the third year of Hoshea son of Eleah king of Israel, Hezekiah son of Ahaz king if Judah began to reign. He did what was right in the eyes of The Lord, just as his father David had done." (2Kings 18:1,3)

3.) Ones who did right in the eyes of The Lord, but the high places were not removed. An example is Azariah: "In the twenty-seventh year of Jeroboam king of Israel, Azariah son of Amaziah king of Judah began to reign. He did right in the eyes of The Lord, just as his fathe Amaziah had done. The high places, however, were not removed, and the people continued to offer sacrifices and burn insence there."  (2Kings 15:1,3-4)

So I have this challenge for you: What idols do you have in your life? What do you talk about most, think about most, complain about most, what upsets you most? 

Once you've identified the idols, it will be hard to give them up. After all, you love them, otherwise they wouldn't be idols. So this is my question: What kind if legacy are you leaving? If we were to end up in some ancient record, what would it say about you?  Would it say, "____ did what was evil in the eyes of The Lord."? Would it say, "_____ did what was right in the eyes of The Lord, but they did not remove the high places, and they continued to offer sacrifices and burn insence there."? Or will you leave a legacy of faith, a legacy that everyone who knows you can look up to? It's up to you. 

Hard

TThe other day in church I had this random revelation from God. He said:

"Following Me is not always happiness and skipping through the daisies. That is the result of following Me. Following Me is the hardest thing you will ever do, and it takes all you have."

This seriously explains so much. I think about all the people who give up and abandon God because it was hard; confused and angry because it wasn't easy and, well, skipping through daisies. 

How easily do we, even we who haven't abandoned God, decide it's too hard on a daily basis? It takes such a small amount of convincing to make me push my quiet time off another hour, another hour, another hour, till all of a sudden it's time for bed and I still haven't spend time with God. 

Can you imagine if we acted this way in other areas of our lives? Imagine if in every married couple, at the VERY first tiny little suggestion that maybe they want a divorce, they acted on it. There wouldn't be any married couples left! Imagine if every athlete, the very first time it started to get hard, at the very first thought of doubt, immediately sat down and quit. There would be no professional athletes!! 

Now think. If we can push our limits mentally and physically in these areas, fighting doubt and insisting that we will continue no matter how hard it gets, or how badly we want to quit, how much more should we be able to persevere in our walk with God, no matter how hard or how badly we want to quit, since it is the most important part of our entire lives?!

1 Timothy 4:8 says:

"For physical training is of some value, but Godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."

God deserves even more dedication and perseverance on our part than our marriages and sports, so let us push ourselves and strive to please Him no matter how badly we want to quit, no matter how hard it gets.

Surrender

So many songs in the Christian world today sing about surrendering it all to God. And those songs always kinda confused me because I thought, "This is a great song and all but seriously, I've already surrendered my life to Him. It's not like I fall away from Him in between every time I sing these songs. What's the point?"

But I had a revelation today that surrendering isn't something that you do at the altar and then you're done. The surrendering that happens when you sing "I surrender" is just a commitment. The real surrendering happens all day, every day, every second of the day. That's the fulfillment of the commitment you made at the altar singing, "I surrender."

It happens through sacrifices. When you are given the choice to think about things that please God or don't, you surrender and choose Him. When you have to choose between sports and church you choose Him. When you have to choose between indulging in your tiredness or sacrificing yourself to go to church you choose Him. When you have to choose between watching TV/playing video games/doing social media and spending time in the Word you choose Him. When you have to choose between hanging with your friends or going home because you haven't done your quiet time yet, you choose Him. You choose Him every time, over everything.

That's surrender.

That's what Jesus meant when He said to die to yourself; to carry your cross.

In Matthew 6:24 Jesus says:
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

In my Bible I've written in after that verse so it reads like this:
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money or image or things or idols or yourself or time or pleasure or your friends."

And the funny thing is, when we choose Him over us, life is better. We think that maybe because we're not doing what we want at the moment and continually choosing what He wants instead, that we're going to be miserable and unhappy. But Jesus is so faithful. Just being with Him becomes a blessing. We go from sacrificing to be with Him because He told us to, to sacrificing to be with Him because we can't get enough of Him!

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him. For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boosting of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away but the man who does the will of God lives forever."        2 John 2:15-17

"The he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever who wants to save his life must lose it and whoever loses his life for Me will save it." Luke 9:23-24 (emphasis mine)

Ulterior Motives

When Jesus loves us, He loves us with a fierce and unconditional love.  He has no ulterior motives. The definition of an ulterior motive is

  "A motive, object, or aim which is beyond that which is acknowledged openly."  

He does not love us because He expects something from us in return. He does not love us because He wants to us to give Him the Glory. He does not love us because His kingdom might gain from it. He does not love us because He expects us to give Him our lives in return. He does not love us so that we will love Him in return. He does not love us so that we will in turn spread His Gospel. He does not love us for any other reason than that He made us and He simply loves us. That's it. He doesn't love us to gain anything.

It is our belief that He has ulterior motives for loving us that makes us think at any moment for any reason that He has stopped loving us. We subconsciously hold the belief that He loves us with the expectation that we will love Him back; then when we fail Him we think that because we did not love Him back He will stop loving us for however brief a time.

Now don't get me wrong; He does want all the Glory. He does want our lives to benefit the kingdom. He does want us to give Him our lives. He does want us to love Him in return. He does want us to spread His Gospel. However if we fail to do any of these things He still loves us with exactly the same love. When all ulterior motives are removed, there remains a pure coexistence where He can love us freely, expecting nothing in return; and we can serve Him freely, expecting nothing in return. Both simply loving because they adore the other.

Jesus has no ulterior motives. He does not love us for any reason other than that He loves us. W are to follow His example and love God and others without ulterior motives, loving simply because we love Him.

Abba, give me a heart to love like You love, without any expectations or attachments. Help me to see when I fail that You love me in the same way as always. I love You.

Investment

Loving God is a big investment. 

Think about it. In Mark 10 Jesus required a young man to give up everything he had to follow Him. In Matthew 8 Jesus requires us to follow Him above and despite family. God asks us to take up our crosses and deny ourselves in Luke 9. God asks us to go tell the world about Him in Matthew 28. Countless times throughout the New Testament Jesus tells us to be servants; to be the last and not the first; to think of others before ourselves. 

What's more, is that He wants to have a relationship with us. Relationships cost time and money. You spend time with your friends to know them. You spend money on them, unconsciously or not. If you're gonna go drive and see them, it's going to cost you gas.

If you're going to have a relationship with God, you need to invest in Him. You need to invest your time to spend time with Him. To know Him, you need to hang out with Him. You need to invest your whole self. If you don't have money (which, by the way, you probably do have some. Even if its only $1.), you have time. Don't tell me you don't have time. The average American person spends about 67 minutes a day eating. That's an entire hour. You could argue that eating is something necessary for living, but most Christians would say that Jesus is their everything and agree that He is necessary for living....  My point is that you do have time. 

I'm pretty sure that every Christian would say that they want something from God. Money, healing, help, comfort, answers, blessings, stuff, better relationships, provision, protection, wisdom, etc, etc, etc. God wants to bless everyone, but think of it this way:

What if there was a farmer who decided that his fields were no longer worth the investment of planting his corn? The corn was just too precious to him, and he was too afraid to lose it; too afraid that he wouldn't reap a harvest from it. So he planted 3 kernels of corn for his entire field. He then proceeded to pray that God would bless him with a bountiful harvest. He prayed and begged and fasted and asked but when harvest came around he had 3 stalks of corn.  He cried and yelled and angrily asked God where He is and why didn't He bless me? 

Using this analogy makes it very clear. Anyone who lives remotely close to any kind of crop knows that you reap what you sow. If you sow an entire field, you're going to get a field's worth of that crop. If you only throw a few seeds out there, you're only going to get a tiny bit of that crop. 

So if your relationship with God feels dry and scanty, look at what you're sowing. What are you investing? 

God's Name in vain

So, so, so, so many people misuse God's Name, aka say His Name in vain. You can't hardly watch a movie or have a conversation these days, even with a Christian, without hearing "Oh my God!" said at least once. It's used so flippantly, as if it really means nothing. I think people tend to forget that when God set the Ten Commandments, He was setting 10 rules above every other rule He gave them. If you've ever read Leviticus, this is a HUGE deal! Leviticus is a book entirely devoted to rules. But God still put this one rule in His top ten. 

Obviously this is a very important rule. But why? Why can't we use His name in vain? Because He is worthy of every honor in the universe. His Glory is so great, every speck of light that ever was or ever will be combined wouldn't even come close to how Glorious He is. He is so worthy of everything we can give Him, that everything that has ever existed or ever will exist combined and given to Him might as well be garbage. That's how worthy He is. His Name deserves ever honor, every praise, every bit of respect that ever could be and yet we throw it around because we got a little excited about something. This is not okay. 

Check this out:

"You shall not misuse the name of The Lord your God, for The Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses His name." Exodus 20:7

Do you know what that means? Can you grasp the implications? It means that even if you were completely sinless, even if you had never once sinned in your entire life but had said God's name in vain, you still wouldn't be counted sinless. That's how important this is to God. 

He is worthy of every single honor. So give Him this one. Don't misuse God's name. He's worthy of so much more than that.

Till my eyes fail

I've been having a hard time with my quiet time lately. I don't get around to it every single day, and when I do it seems kinda dry. I read the Bible, pray a little, then I'm done. I don't feel the wonder and closeness I once did when reading the Bible. I'm not amazed by His Glory every time I read His Word. I've been struggling with this, trying to change but it hasn't.

Today I read Psalm 69:3-

"I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for God."

And my heart was just convicted. Am I really looking that hard for God? Am I searching so severely that my eyes fail me? Is my throat parched because I'm crying out to God so loudly, with so much desperation to see His face? The answer is no. I'm not. But Matthew 7:7-8 promises that he who seeks God will find Him. 

Abba, I'm sorry for not seeking You as passionately as I should be. I realize that it is a fault of my own that keeps me from fellowship with You. Give me a desire to seek Your Face above all.

Imitators

This past week I was a bunkleader/counselor at a church camp called Harvest Christian Camp. This week was camp for Elementary aged kids. I had a bunk of 5 girls, and let me tell you, 1) they were AMAZING, 2) I learned a lot about sacrifice, 3) they think that I am the bomb. I'm not trying to brag on myself, or say that I'm awesome, but at that age, if you show them attention and love on them, they will adore you. 

I remember on the last night during praise and worship at service, two of my girls came over to where I was standing and told me that they were going to do what I did. So as the upbeat, fun praise songs played and I danced, the girls imitated me. They watched intently to make sure they didn't miss a thing that I did. 

Today in my Bible reading I read Galatians 5:1-2, which says,

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

So like children who have been dearly loved, we are to imitate Christ's every move, watching intently to make sure we don't miss a thing He would have us do. In John 5:19 it even says that Jesus imitates the Father and only does what He does: 

"Jesus gave them this answer, 'I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by Himself; He can only do what He sees His Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.'"

Abba, give me the eyes to see what You are doing, and the courage and strength to imitate you completely, with no hesitation or thoughts for my own comfort. Help me to adore you as much and more as young children adore those who love them. 

Lust

Before I get into this subject, there are a few things I want to point out:

1. Lust is not only a sexual sin. There are many different types of lust, but in this post I will be dealing with sexual lust.

2. Lust happens on both sides of the gender spectrum. It's not something that only guys or only girls do. However since I am a girl this post will be mainly directed towards the ladies.

Okay. So. I want to start by saying that I think ladies get overlooked a LOT when it comes to the subject of lust. I know that the temptations guys deal with are much stronger and harder to resist most of the time, but that doesn't make it a sin unavailable to women. I think Satan has used this to his advantage, deceiving millions of Christian woman into thinking lust is okay for them but not for men. 

Just look at the popularity of the book Fifty Shades of Grey and the movie Magic Mike, even among Christian women! It has been so overlooked; whereas if a stripper movie for men and highly distributed porn magazines became popular among the men of the church there would be an outrage. It would be dealt with. But no one has mentioned Fifty Shades of Grey or Magic Mike in any Christian circle I'm a part of. 

I think of Christian girls on Instagram posting on Mondays as a part of the "Man Crush Monday," where people post pictures of hot guys (more times than not with their shirts off) to lust after. Can you imagine if a Christian guy posted a picture of a shirtless girl on his Instagram? I would think it would be much more frowned upon.

My point is this: Lust among Christian women is a problem that hasn't been addressed nearly enough. Lust CAN happen in a woman's heart, and it IS a sin. 

Matthew 5:27-28 says, "You have heard it said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." 

So in addition to what I just said, I want to point out something about this scripture. It does not say, "Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already raped her in his heart." It uses the term adultery, which implies that there are two sides to this equation. In adultery there are two people involved, and both of them contribute to the sin. If either the man or the woman was involved involuntarily, it would be called rape, not adultery.

 So how can a woman contribute to lustful thoughts in a man's heart, or vise versa? Attitude and apparel. The way you act has an impact on the opposite sex. Acting coyly and flirty and sexually inviting is a pretty good guarantee of lustful thoughts. Also, dressing in a sexually appealing way draws attention to areas of your body that ignite sexual desire and lustful thoughts. 

So in conclusion, we as women need to be more aware of our ability and tendency to lust, and our ability to ignite lust in the hearts of others through the ways we dress and act.

What Breaks His Heart (A Poem)

I don't write poetry a whole lot, but every now and again I'll get really inspired and write something I actually like. Anyways, I wanted to share one of my favorites.

What Breaks His Heart

The people

The nations

They cry out

For justice

For mercy

Won't you hear them?

Won't you see? 

These are the things that make Christ's heart

Ache

His people, hurting

Hunger 

Distrust 

Depression

Suicide

Abuse

Abortion

But what really breaks His heart

Is to see

His children 

Standing by

Watching His people die.

Glory

I fail Jesus so often. Sometimes I'm pretty sure I fail Him more often than I obey Him. 

And yet still people tell me how much this blog encourages them, or how great it is that I go on mission trips and volunteer at church, etc., and I have to admit that sometimes it makes me feel like an imposter or a hypocrite. I feel like saying, "Yeah, that's great but you wouldn't say that if you knew how often I fail." It really does make me feel like a fake, like I'm putting up a front.

But Jesus says otherwise. You see, the beauty of this is that despite my failings, His Glory still shines. Somehow people can still see Him in me. If people are encouraged, it's not because I'm a fake, it's because He shines so greatly that people are able to ignore or see past my faults. 

Thank you so much, Jesus, for using me despite my heart, that you know better than anyone else is wicked. I love you so much. 

The Gospel According to _______

 In most Bibles, the title of the Gospels are The Gospel according to ______. The Gospel according to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. They're eyewitness accounts; they're their version of the Gospel. If they were to go preach the Gospel to a crowd or to a passerby, this is what it would sound like respectively from Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John.

Now this is the point of that whole explanation: what is the Gospel according to you? If a speculative were to choose to examine your life as an example of what the Gospel looks and sounds like, what would the Gospel be according to you?

Would the Gospel say, "Gossip constantly and hold grudges for as long as you can." Or, "Only forgive if you happen to feel like it and the conditions are right and the offense isn't too big and they haven't done it too many times." Or, "Worship God only when everything is going well and you are really happy with your life situation."?

So many people make a huge emphasis on either preaching the Gospel, or living it out. One or the other. Most people don't make a big deal about both. But this is what happens: if you were to put the most importance on preaching the Gospel, and you just told it to everyone you came across, but never lived it out, no one would ever have any reason to believe you. But if you were to put the most emphasis on living the Gospel out, (and I think this is the most popular opinion) but never told anyone about it, no one would ever know why you're so different. 

So what is the Gospel according to you? Do you silently go about your day, spreading God's love through the little things you do, the little acts of kindness and stuff like that but never tell anyone? Does the Gospel according to you say, "Live but never tell."? Or do you go about telling everyone but not making a big effort to live it out? Does the Gospel according to you say, "Tell everyone but never live it out."? 

Now I don't want you to think that because you make mistakes you can never be a witness because people will never believe you. That's not true. But if you make mistakes and act like you never do, that's a problem. If you're vulnerable and admit you have problems, people will be more likely to understand, and God will use it as a witness that He can use us even though we mess up.

""What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

 -James 2:14-17 (emphasis mine)

"He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." -Mark 16:15 (emphasis mine)

City on a hill

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16 

Now I want you to notice something very specific about this passage. It says, "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill  cannot be hidden." If there's a city on a mountain, there's no way you're gonna be able to hide it. What are you gonna do? Cover it with a blanket? You can't hide it. There's either a city on the hill or there's not. Period. 

Can you imagine how crazy you would sound if you said, "Oh there's this city on that mountain over there. Yeah, see it? Well, I mean, sometimes it's there. Sometimes you can't really see it. How? Oh, I don't know. It's just not there sometimes."

Yeah. Right. Next stop: insane asylum. But you know, I think Jesus put that bit about the city on a hill in there because sometimes we're like that in our walk with God. We think that we can only shine the light of the salvation of the Gospel when we choose to. Like we can turn it on and off. Mission field? On. Workplace? Off. Church? On. School? Off. 

And so Jesus says, "A city on a hill cannot be hidden." If you are saved, you can't just hide it. If you are truly experiencing the power of The Gospel of God's grace, it will show. If people can't see it, (stepping on toes here...,,,) you need to step back and look at how you're living your life. 

We're the light of the world. We are the only hope for a world that is dying eternally and spiritually, and we cannot sit down, shut up, and act like everything is okay.

Not Unexpected

I don't know about you, but I'm a huge bookworm (as previously stated), and so I've read quite a bit of books. But most people have read at least one fiction book in their lifetime. 

I've actually taken a fiction writing class, and I know that any author that has any kind of sense at all plans out their story. Some plan out every little detail about how every single chapter is gonna go, and some just have a general outline for the story. But every good author at least has a plan for where they want their story to end up. 

And I also know (as does anyone who reads fiction) that most good stories have a twist. It doesn't even have to be a thriller to have unexpected twists. Someone dies, gets caught in adultery, gets pregnant, falls in love with someone unexpected, their life gets ruined, etc. There's always some kind of unexpected turn that keeps you guessing. 

Here's the thing about twists in books: the author knew it was going to happen. When they sat down to write the book, it was in their plan, and it wasn't straying from the path they wanted their novel to take when it happened. When they wrote the chapter in which it happens they didn't get suddenly shocked and exclaim: "That's not how I thought it would happen!" Of course they knew. They're the author. And they know how everything that happens builds the character of their characters, and ultimately builds toward the ending.

And isn't that a perfect metaphor for God's sovereign hand and plan in our lives? When a situation occurs, and it seems like its the very end for us; when a house burns down, a relative dies, the economy plunges and you lose your job; for us it's unexpected. We never saw it coming. But God isn't surprised. He doesn't get shocked and suddenly exclaim: "This is not how I thought it would happen!" Of course He knew. He's God. He knows how everything builds up and grows us, and ultimately achieves His great purpose.

No, the crazy happenings and twists and turns in our life are not surprising to Him, all held in the complete control of God, and nothing happens to us that doesn't first pass through His sovereign hand. When we come across a situation that seems like the end, He saw it coming, and He knows exactly how to handle it. After all, He's the one writing the story.

Neither do I condemn you

"But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts where all the people gathered around Him, and He sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, 'Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?' They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing Him.

 But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with His finger. When they kept on questioning Him, He straightened up and said to them, 'If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.' Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. 

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?'

 'No one, sir,' she said.

 'Then neither do I condemn you,' Jesus declared. 'Go now and leave your life of sin.'

John 8:1-11

Last time I heard this scripture, I heard more than usual. You know how sometimes you hear a scripture a ton of times and never really get a whole lot out of it, but then you read it again later and it's like BAM! Revelation! That's how it was the other day.

I think the most common use for this scripture is to teach people not to judge. And why not, after all, when that's what it's about? But last time I read it, I got something else.

Jesus says here, "If any one of you is without sin, let Him be the first to throw a stone at her." And after that, everyone, one by one, leaves, even if they weren't accusing her. Everyone except One. And the thing with the One who stayed is that He had no sin. He had every single right to stone that woman.

This is the part that deserves attention:

He didn't stone her. He had every right to judge and condemn this woman and He forgave her.

And that's what He does every day with every one of us.

As Strong as Death

In the song You Won't Relent by Misty Edwards, the verse says, 

"I'll set you as a seal upon my heart

As a seal upon my arm

For there is love that is as strong as death

Jealousy demanding as the grave

Many waters cannot quench this love."

 

The reference for this is Song of Solomon 8:6-7 which states:

"Place me like a seal over your heart, 

like a seal upon your arm; 

For love is as strong as death,

Its jealousy unyielding as the grave. 

It burns like blazing fire,

Like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench love;

Rivers cannot wash it away.

If one were to give

All the wealth of his house for love, 

It would be utterly scorned."

Now the part I want to focus on is where it says, "For there is love that is as strong as death." 

No one wants to die. I mean think about it. People will do ANYTHING to get out of death. They will run and run and run in every way they can; exercising like crazy and counting calories and taking pills and doctor visits and gynocologists and checks for cancer and everything you can possibly imagine to try and avoid death, we do it. But in the end, everyone dies. Everyone will die eventually. You can put it off in every way available but you will still die.

And if you take the time to think about it, God's love is kind of the same way. People run from God's love all the time. They will run and run; they'll shun Him and avoid church and lock the doors when Christians come around and throw away the church flyers they get in the mail and block any Christian friends they have on Facebook and twitter and Instagram and they'll do drugs and lie and cheat and steal and do anything possible to separate themselves from the love of God, but in the end, He still loves them. 

His love is as strong as death. You can run and run and run all you want but you can't escape it. It will always be there.

Here's the link to You Wont Relent by Misty Edwards if you want to listen: 

http://youtu.be/QFdeOT3lzqc

Expecting More

Summer 2012 was the best summer of my life thus far. Or to be more specific, my trip to Australia made summer 2012 the best summer of my life thus far. And it's been really hard to even convince myself to think that I may at some point have a better summer/trip/time than that. 

Like when I was preparing to go to Mexico this past December, God really had to work in me; had to teach me that I need to be expecting more. I honestly thought that my trip to Mexico would in no way compare to my Australia trip. But God told me I have to expect and ask for more, or that's what would happen: it would in no way compare to my the Australia trip. 

Of course the trips were completely and totally different, and I learned completely different things while there. But I had to expect more. And because I did, the trip was way better than I had imagined it would be. 

Now I'm facing a summer in which I won't be going on an overseas mission trip. I'll be at camp for most of summer, serving and being a bunk leader (counselor). And I'm also facing the same dilemma: I'm not expecting this summer to me anywhere as good as last summer. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to be a bunk leader. I've been waiting a long time to be old enough to be one; I just am not expecting it to be just as good or better than last year. And I need to be. 

Abba, help me expect more from you. I don't wanna put a box around the rings You can do and say that You can only go  this far. Exceed my expectations. Help my unbelief.

"Now all Glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might as or imagine." -Ephesians 3:20 NLT

Cliffs

Okay, you're going to have to excuse me for a minute, because I'm a huge book nerd and I'm gonna use an example from one of my favorite books of all time. 

In The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis (if you haven't read any of his books, fiction or non, you need to. They've changed my life.), the two main characters, Eustace and Jill, find themselves at the top of a very, very high cliff; imagine the highest cliff you've ever seen before. It's at least ten times higher than that. Jill is being a show-off and decides she's going to stand really close to the edge of the cliff. Eustace tries to stop her, and wrenching herself away from him, accidentally knocks Eustace off the cliff.

In bounds a lion, The Lion, Aslan, who is the representation of Christ in The Chronicles of Narnia, and He immediately starts blowing. What happens, (not to spoil it for you, but...) is Aslan's breath carries Eustace to safety. 

I think what happens a lot in life, is that we get knocked off a cliff, and we get so upset that we got knocked off in the first place that we often don't notice that Jesus has saved us from an even nastier ending at the bottom of the cliff. We sometimes blame God for what happened, when He's not even the one that caused it. He's the one so graciously saving us from certain destruction.

Plans

I babysit every week, and the little boy I babysit, Brennan, likes to eat. A lot. I'll be babysitting him from 3:30 to 5:30/6ish, and he'll ask for a snack about 5 times in that period. At least 5 times. And it's funny, cause he'll try to tell me what he's gonna do instead of asking. He'll be like, "I'm just gonna eat this apple now." Or, "I'll eat this later while you're here." I laugh because he doesn't have the say in that! I do.

I wonder how often we look like that to God with all our plans. Instead of actually asking we try to tell Him how it's all gonna go. We tell Him that we're gonna do this and that, and He's laughing cause we don't have the say in that! Only He does.

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this and that.'
James 4:13-15

Worth the Time

When I sign in to my blogger account, it tells me how many views I have on any one post. I frequently check the number of views on my posts after I post them. It's how I measure my success, I guess you could say.

Yesterday night God told me to stop checking it. To stop checking how many views I have after posting a blog.

My response: "But, but, but then I won't know if people stop reading my blog! What if people stop reading my blog and I'm just wasting my time? How will I know if its worth my time?"

His response: "If I told you to do it, it's worth your time. Even if only ONE person ever reads your blog, it will be worth your time because I told you to do it. Your success is not measured by how many people read your blog but by how well you obey Me. You could have 10,000 followers but if you're not writing what I told you to, you've failed."

Wow. Makes total sense. It's worth my time. It kinda reminds me of Joshua and Jericho. Like seriously, who walks around a city to conquer it? Total waste of time, if you'd asked me. But that was how they were going to be able to conquer the city. They had to walk around the city. I'm sure it looked totally dumb and pointless at the time, but in the end it WAS worth their time because God told them to do it.

Write it down/You're too young

Part 1: Write it down

I feel like the art of taking notes in church and journaling at home is dying. In church the only people I ever see taking notes are the older generation. My generation just doesn't care to. But why should we take notes? Why should we journal?

1 Peter 3:15b "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." If someone asked you right now what God has been teaching you, would you be able to answer off the top of your head? I'm going to guess probably not. I wouldn't be able to remember. But because I keep a journal and notes notebook, I can go back to it and show them what God has been teaching me and what scriptures have stood out to me lately.

Habakkuk 2:2 says "Write down the vision and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it." What does a herald do? He tells people things; he brings a message! So ultimately the reason we should write it down is so we can tell other people. That's what the Gospel is all about, right? After all, what good does God's message do if people don't hear about it? What good does God's Word do if people don't hear about it?

Part 2: You're too young

When God gave me the idea for this post, immediately after I thought about it, Satan said, "You're too young to write this. Who wants to listen to a 15 year old tell them what they should do? What experience do you have? What makes you qualified to write this?" And I almost listened.
But thank God for His Word, which says that I shouldn't let anyone look down on me because I'm young, but rather I should be an example!

To all my fellow young people, and even those who are not so young: God's Glory shining through you has nothing to do with how qualified or able YOU are but how qualified and able GOD is. It is not you who lives but Christ who lives in you.

Take Nothing

Luke 9:1-6
"When Jesus had called the Twelve together, he gave them power and authority to drive out all demons and to cure diseases, and he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick. He told them, 'Take nothing for the journey - no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. If people do not welcome you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave their town, as a testimony against them.' So they set out and went from village to village, preaching the Gospel and healing people everywhere."

This verse really speaks to me because I am going to be a full-time missionary in a foreign country one day. But that's all I know. I don't know when or where or with what organization, or if I'm gonna be a church-supported independent missionary, or if I'll go to any college, or anything. I don't know at all. I'm just trusting God that when it comes to it, He'll tell me what to do.

This verse just comforts me in that if I get out of the Honor Academy Internship and God tells me to just go to a foreign country, with nothing but a call to go, He'll take care of me. I mean, the disciples didn't take ANY money or ANY food; not even extra clothes! I'm not saying that's what God's gonna tell me to do. He may give me a detailed plan. But as of this point I don't have a clue, so this scripture reminds me that He has it all figured out. I just have to trust Him.

A Change of Heart

A couple months ago I thought God told me to go to India on a mission trip this summer. I mean I really, really, really, thought I was supposed to. A lot.

But my parents said no. This was the first time ever that my parents said no to a mission trip that I wanted to go on. So I decided that God would change their minds. I didn't tell anybody that I wasn't going because to me, I still was.

I remember hearing Jeremy Camp on KLOVE (a radio station) talking about when God called him and his family to move from Indiana to Nashville, Tennessee. And his wife didn't want to. But God had to change her heart. Because they really were supposed to move to Nashville.

Now, I, hearing this, thought of course it was a sign from God that He would change my parents' hearts and I would be a be able to go to India. Nope. He was preparing me for a change of my OWN heart, because as it turns out, I'm not supposed to go to India.

Instead, I'll be a bunk leader (counselor) at camp for elementary and middle school girls. I would LOVE to go on a mission trip again this summer. I can't tell you how much I'll miss it. But I'll be going on a different kind of mission trip, pouring into young girls lives as they pursue and find God.

The point of it all is that sometimes we think we have it all figured out, and that God will adjust things to our own plan. But God will do what HE knows is best, and adjusting our hearts to His plan.

Vulnerable part 2.

So about being vulnerable...

I think I might just maybe have the hang of it. Maybe. It does get easier, but then God calls me to reveal something that really makes me cringe, something I wouldn't want anyone to know.

The thing is, now, I want to point it out every time I'm vulnerable. I want to, at the beginning of every post that I have to be vulnerable in, to say something along the lines of "This post is very hard for me" or, "Being vulnerable again!" Because deep in my heart I want something out of this. If I'm gonna have to be vulnerable on the Internet for all my friends to see, I'm gonna make sure they KNOW that I'm being vulnerable and admire me for it. If I'm gonna do what God tells me, I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth.

The hard part comes again when God tells me to stop pointing it out every time. If I'm gonna be vulnerable, it has to be genuine, and there can't be any "Oh this is soooo hard for me!" He gets all the glory. Not me. Period.

Proverbs 16:2 says "All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by The Lord."
My heart isn't a secret to Him! He knows why I do what I do every time I do it, even if I don't. He doesn't stop at outward appearances that would say I'm so submitted to Him while I actually take the glory for myself. He doesn't stop there. He demands everything, motives and all. Because He's worthy.

Send the crowd away

"When the apostles returned, they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then He took them with Him and they withdrew by themselves to a place called Bethsaida, but the crowds learned about it and followed Him. He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing.
Late in the afternoon the twelve came to Him and said, 'Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here.'
He replied, 'You give them something to eat.'" (Luke 9:10-13)

This passage can be a parallel in a lot of ways, probably the most pointed out being that God provided in an impossible situation. But today I noticed something I had never really seen in it before.

Notice how the disciples saw a problem and immediately asked Jesus to make it go away. They saw that the people hadn't eaten and asked Jesus to send them away to get something to eat. And how does Jesus respond? He tells them to deal with the problem. The next part of the verse says this:

"They answered, 'We only have five loaves of bread and two fish-unless we go and buy food for all this crowd.'"

Now it doesn't say this in the Bible, but I could totally see some sarcasm going on here. Because seriously, the disciples didn't have anywhere near enough money to go buy food for 5,000+ people.

We can be like this a lot, I think. A hard situation comes up, and we, knowing that God can do anything, immediately ask Him to make it go away, most of the time not even stopping to ask whether He wants it to go away or not.

See, if Jesus had sent all the people away, there would've been no miraculous feeding, and the disciples wouldn't have seen God's divine provision.

God knows what He's doing. I'll probably have to tell myself that a thousand times before I die, but it's true. He knew that the disciples and the people as well needed to see His power. He knew that He could provide. In His eyes, there was never a problem in the first place.

So next time a problem comes up, stop and think before you beg God to make it go away. He just might have something better than that.

Humility, Grace, and Mercy

It took me a long time to learn about humility. I was raised in a Christian home, with Christian parents and grandparents. I've probably missed church a total of less than a hundred times in my life.
I'm not saying any of this to brag, but so you can understand what I'm going to say next.

I used to think that I was okay on my own. I used to think that I was good enough for Jesus. I used to think that my sins were so small and few that Jesus probably didn't even notice them. But when I did mess up, the above beliefs caused me to think that now I had messed up my perfectness, and God was disappointed in me. It's a horrible feeling. And it can get depressing. I'd try and try and try to get things right, and when I'd inevitably mess up, I'd promise myself I'd never do it again. And when I'd mess up despite all my promises, I'd feel worthless, to myself and to God.

But then, through God's grace, I got a revelation of humility. Man, did I realize how imperfect I am!

When you get a revelation of humility, it enables you to see grace and mercy clearly. Grace is getting what you don't deserve. Mercy is not getting what you do deserve. When I falsely believed that I was alright on my own, I had no need for grace or mercy.

But when I got the revelation of humility, I realized just how amazing God's grace and mercy are. Every time I mess up, I can know that God's grace keeps me from total destruction. Every time I mess up, I can know that He isn't disappointed in my dirtiness because the cross has covered me.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind but now I see.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

All my eyes wanna see

In the song All I Need is You by Hillsong United, there's a line in the first verse that says "All my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You." I'm not sure what exactly Hillsong meant to convey through this line. It could be seen as a longing to see Him, but the way I've always interpreted it is, "My eyes never want to see more than just a little bit of You."

When we used to sing this song in youth group, I loved that line because it's so true. Of course I want Him. But the implications of staying with Him include doing things my flesh doesn't want to so. So all it wants to see is a little bit. The "good" part. The part of Him that blesses and promises and protects. That's all my eyes want to see. They don't want to see the part that asks me to go out of my comfort zone. They don't want to see the part that says "Die to self." They don't want to see the part that convicts me of my sin.

John 3:19-20 says, "This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." (this vulnerability thing is coming full circle)

So my eyes only want to see a little bit of Him. They don't want my darkness to be exposed in the light. I always loved that line in the song because it was the cry of my heart; I got to sing it out loud, then beg Him to come near anyway. Because He's worth the embarrassment of my sin.
The last part of that passage in John says this: "But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

To Him be all the glory.

"What if we just sat here..."

So I was babysitting today, and Brennan and I were playing the board game Mousetrap. At some points there are spaces that tell you to go back a certain amount of spaces. Sometimes, you'll land on one of those spaces, and after you go back and you roll again, you land on the "Go Back __ Spaces" space again. and again, etc, etc. it's happened before that one of us has been stuck in such a pattern for quite a few turns. Today, one of us landed in a "go back" space, then landed on it again. Brennan made the comment, "What if we did that a bunch of times? What if we just sat here going back and forth until we got old and died?" Out loud, I said something like, "That would be crazy." But as soon as he said it, God whispered.

Brennan basically said, "What if we just sat here going in circles and not moving anywhere until we died?" Is that not the voice of God through a child or what?

Because you know, as crazy as it sounds to be stuck playing a board game forever, I believe tons and tons of us are doing something very similar. We go through life just living for the heck of it. We don't dare experience God in bigger ways or even share Him with others. We go through life without going anywhere at all. Everyday waking up and doing our day, then at the end, going back to the beginning and starting over. And over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

But the thing with life, is that it's not random. You don't have to roll a die to figure out if you can get out of the rut. You just have to make the decision to be courageous and live.

Leave Yourself at Home

What advice would I give a first-time missionary? I thought about this today. Why? I have no idea why I thought of it, but I did.

And this is what came to mind: Leave yourself at home. When you go to the airport, leave yourself behind. Leave that girl/boy there and when you come back walk right past her/him without looking back.

What happens on a mission trip that changes you so much? Well first there's obviously the fact that you're in a place you've never been before. But more importantly, you are put in situations where you have a choice: stay comfortable and shut your mouth, or torture the part of yourself that wants to back down, and share the Gospel boldly.

I've discovered that at the beginning of every trip, there are actually two trips before you. One where you let your flesh win: you come to the point where you can share your faith, and let your fear win. This is the trip you regret. The other one is constant discomfort. But it's worth it. You come to a situation where you can share the Gospel and despite everything in you that screams for you to just shut up, you choose to share Jesus. And it's the most wonderful feeling.

And you know? We need to do the same thing every day. When we sit down with our Bibles in the morning, we need to leave ourselves there. Leave ourselves at home. When we walk out the door, we should leave us there and let Jesus have His way.

And sometimes His way is pretty stinkin uncomfortable. But that's okay. Because if we leave ourselves at home, we won't be there to stop Him.

You Alone, O Lord..

Psalm 4:8
"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety."

The thing that blows my mind about this scripture is this:
Lack of imminent danger is not what makes me dwell in safety. Lack of a plot against my life is not what makes me dwell in safety. Only God does that.

Sometimes I think we don't give God enough credit for His Grace and Mercy. Because when I'm not getting a revelation of how messed up I am, I tend to think that I'm pretty good. Then God gives me a revelation and I realize that if He wasn't so merciful I would definitely not be in a good place right now, to say the least.

He is so good that He looks past all of our dirtiness and protects us both from imminent danger and from our destructive sinful nature.