Till my eyes fail

I've been having a hard time with my quiet time lately. I don't get around to it every single day, and when I do it seems kinda dry. I read the Bible, pray a little, then I'm done. I don't feel the wonder and closeness I once did when reading the Bible. I'm not amazed by His Glory every time I read His Word. I've been struggling with this, trying to change but it hasn't.

Today I read Psalm 69:3-

"I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for God."

And my heart was just convicted. Am I really looking that hard for God? Am I searching so severely that my eyes fail me? Is my throat parched because I'm crying out to God so loudly, with so much desperation to see His face? The answer is no. I'm not. But Matthew 7:7-8 promises that he who seeks God will find Him. 

Abba, I'm sorry for not seeking You as passionately as I should be. I realize that it is a fault of my own that keeps me from fellowship with You. Give me a desire to seek Your Face above all.

Imitators

This past week I was a bunkleader/counselor at a church camp called Harvest Christian Camp. This week was camp for Elementary aged kids. I had a bunk of 5 girls, and let me tell you, 1) they were AMAZING, 2) I learned a lot about sacrifice, 3) they think that I am the bomb. I'm not trying to brag on myself, or say that I'm awesome, but at that age, if you show them attention and love on them, they will adore you. 

I remember on the last night during praise and worship at service, two of my girls came over to where I was standing and told me that they were going to do what I did. So as the upbeat, fun praise songs played and I danced, the girls imitated me. They watched intently to make sure they didn't miss a thing that I did. 

Today in my Bible reading I read Galatians 5:1-2, which says,

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

So like children who have been dearly loved, we are to imitate Christ's every move, watching intently to make sure we don't miss a thing He would have us do. In John 5:19 it even says that Jesus imitates the Father and only does what He does: 

"Jesus gave them this answer, 'I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by Himself; He can only do what He sees His Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.'"

Abba, give me the eyes to see what You are doing, and the courage and strength to imitate you completely, with no hesitation or thoughts for my own comfort. Help me to adore you as much and more as young children adore those who love them. 

Lust

Before I get into this subject, there are a few things I want to point out:

1. Lust is not only a sexual sin. There are many different types of lust, but in this post I will be dealing with sexual lust.

2. Lust happens on both sides of the gender spectrum. It's not something that only guys or only girls do. However since I am a girl this post will be mainly directed towards the ladies.

Okay. So. I want to start by saying that I think ladies get overlooked a LOT when it comes to the subject of lust. I know that the temptations guys deal with are much stronger and harder to resist most of the time, but that doesn't make it a sin unavailable to women. I think Satan has used this to his advantage, deceiving millions of Christian woman into thinking lust is okay for them but not for men. 

Just look at the popularity of the book Fifty Shades of Grey and the movie Magic Mike, even among Christian women! It has been so overlooked; whereas if a stripper movie for men and highly distributed porn magazines became popular among the men of the church there would be an outrage. It would be dealt with. But no one has mentioned Fifty Shades of Grey or Magic Mike in any Christian circle I'm a part of. 

I think of Christian girls on Instagram posting on Mondays as a part of the "Man Crush Monday," where people post pictures of hot guys (more times than not with their shirts off) to lust after. Can you imagine if a Christian guy posted a picture of a shirtless girl on his Instagram? I would think it would be much more frowned upon.

My point is this: Lust among Christian women is a problem that hasn't been addressed nearly enough. Lust CAN happen in a woman's heart, and it IS a sin. 

Matthew 5:27-28 says, "You have heard it said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." 

So in addition to what I just said, I want to point out something about this scripture. It does not say, "Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already raped her in his heart." It uses the term adultery, which implies that there are two sides to this equation. In adultery there are two people involved, and both of them contribute to the sin. If either the man or the woman was involved involuntarily, it would be called rape, not adultery.

 So how can a woman contribute to lustful thoughts in a man's heart, or vise versa? Attitude and apparel. The way you act has an impact on the opposite sex. Acting coyly and flirty and sexually inviting is a pretty good guarantee of lustful thoughts. Also, dressing in a sexually appealing way draws attention to areas of your body that ignite sexual desire and lustful thoughts. 

So in conclusion, we as women need to be more aware of our ability and tendency to lust, and our ability to ignite lust in the hearts of others through the ways we dress and act.

What Breaks His Heart (A Poem)

I don't write poetry a whole lot, but every now and again I'll get really inspired and write something I actually like. Anyways, I wanted to share one of my favorites.

What Breaks His Heart

The people

The nations

They cry out

For justice

For mercy

Won't you hear them?

Won't you see? 

These are the things that make Christ's heart

Ache

His people, hurting

Hunger 

Distrust 

Depression

Suicide

Abuse

Abortion

But what really breaks His heart

Is to see

His children 

Standing by

Watching His people die.

Glory

I fail Jesus so often. Sometimes I'm pretty sure I fail Him more often than I obey Him. 

And yet still people tell me how much this blog encourages them, or how great it is that I go on mission trips and volunteer at church, etc., and I have to admit that sometimes it makes me feel like an imposter or a hypocrite. I feel like saying, "Yeah, that's great but you wouldn't say that if you knew how often I fail." It really does make me feel like a fake, like I'm putting up a front.

But Jesus says otherwise. You see, the beauty of this is that despite my failings, His Glory still shines. Somehow people can still see Him in me. If people are encouraged, it's not because I'm a fake, it's because He shines so greatly that people are able to ignore or see past my faults. 

Thank you so much, Jesus, for using me despite my heart, that you know better than anyone else is wicked. I love you so much. 

The Gospel According to _______

 In most Bibles, the title of the Gospels are The Gospel according to ______. The Gospel according to Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. They're eyewitness accounts; they're their version of the Gospel. If they were to go preach the Gospel to a crowd or to a passerby, this is what it would sound like respectively from Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John.

Now this is the point of that whole explanation: what is the Gospel according to you? If a speculative were to choose to examine your life as an example of what the Gospel looks and sounds like, what would the Gospel be according to you?

Would the Gospel say, "Gossip constantly and hold grudges for as long as you can." Or, "Only forgive if you happen to feel like it and the conditions are right and the offense isn't too big and they haven't done it too many times." Or, "Worship God only when everything is going well and you are really happy with your life situation."?

So many people make a huge emphasis on either preaching the Gospel, or living it out. One or the other. Most people don't make a big deal about both. But this is what happens: if you were to put the most importance on preaching the Gospel, and you just told it to everyone you came across, but never lived it out, no one would ever have any reason to believe you. But if you were to put the most emphasis on living the Gospel out, (and I think this is the most popular opinion) but never told anyone about it, no one would ever know why you're so different. 

So what is the Gospel according to you? Do you silently go about your day, spreading God's love through the little things you do, the little acts of kindness and stuff like that but never tell anyone? Does the Gospel according to you say, "Live but never tell."? Or do you go about telling everyone but not making a big effort to live it out? Does the Gospel according to you say, "Tell everyone but never live it out."? 

Now I don't want you to think that because you make mistakes you can never be a witness because people will never believe you. That's not true. But if you make mistakes and act like you never do, that's a problem. If you're vulnerable and admit you have problems, people will be more likely to understand, and God will use it as a witness that He can use us even though we mess up.

""What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."

 -James 2:14-17 (emphasis mine)

"He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." -Mark 16:15 (emphasis mine)