I came to God today stressed out by the next two weeks I have coming up. I just sat and said, "God, I can't do this by myself. This is crazy. I need You." And it was instantaneously that God replied, "You asked to need Me. Here you go." I just smiled and laughed. He is so good!
For the past couple of weeks I have been writing blog posts about trials and how they make us need and want God more and how they're so great for us, and on top of that, I have been asking God to help me need Him more. A lot of the time I feel so complacent towards God and I feel like I don't really need Him. My life is usually slow-going. Usually, my struggle is not finding time to spend with God, it's finding the desire to. I hate it, but it's the truth. So the past couple weeks I've been asking God to give me a need for Him. Then He plops all this in my lap and I freak out! I can only laugh at my foolishness.
God's answers to prayer are not always what I think they will be! Sometimes, they stretch me. Sometimes, they make me want to cry (like today looking at my coming weeks). But they always draw me to God and bring Him glory. And that is beautiful.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
The Condition of My Heart
God is primarily concerned with our hearts. God does have a lot to say about works, but usually it is because our works directly display the conditions of our hearts. At the beginning of the year, God told me to give half of my money after tithe to Him. (You can read about it here: http://asongofstruggle.blogspot.com/2014/01/how-many-times-have-i-come-across.html) I have loved doing this. It's given me so much freedom to give to so many people, and I love finding new opportunities to bless people. Yes, sometimes it hurts a little when I only see $9 of a $20 paycheck, but overall, it has been SO rewarding. But here's the catch: it has started to be a little routine. It's been four months, so I've just started thinking of a $20 paycheck as a $9 paycheck. It's stopped feeling like giving. Like I said, God is concerned with the condition of our hearts more than anything. He still wants my heart. He doesn't want it to be a routine.
A couple of weeks ago, God told me to give away my savings for a bicycle. I'm saving up for a bicycle so I have some form of transportation wile I'm at the Honor Academy, and my goal amount is about $100. I had gotten up to about $90, and God told me to give it away. I must admit I was hesitant. I mean, that $90 was only a small part of $200. (If I had $90 for myself, that means there was $90 that I gave and $20 that was tithe.) I mean, come on, God, I've already given $110. It's not like this is something I don't need. This is for my internship. But God is concerned with my heart. And if He can't trust me to give whenever He says, what does that say about the condition of my heart, regardless of what else I'm doing for Him? And you know what? I have not once regretted the decision to give away that $90. God knows what He's doing.
Jesus, help me to obey you. Help my heart be inclined to do what You want, regardless of what I think. I love You.
A couple of weeks ago, God told me to give away my savings for a bicycle. I'm saving up for a bicycle so I have some form of transportation wile I'm at the Honor Academy, and my goal amount is about $100. I had gotten up to about $90, and God told me to give it away. I must admit I was hesitant. I mean, that $90 was only a small part of $200. (If I had $90 for myself, that means there was $90 that I gave and $20 that was tithe.) I mean, come on, God, I've already given $110. It's not like this is something I don't need. This is for my internship. But God is concerned with my heart. And if He can't trust me to give whenever He says, what does that say about the condition of my heart, regardless of what else I'm doing for Him? And you know what? I have not once regretted the decision to give away that $90. God knows what He's doing.
Jesus, help me to obey you. Help my heart be inclined to do what You want, regardless of what I think. I love You.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Intimate Love
John 20:16
"Jesus said to her, 'Mary.'"
This verse struck me today... what an intimate love! Mary mistook her Risen Saviour for the gardener, and instead of being harsh, He says her name. Simply, "Mary." I can almost hear His gentle voice, beckoning to her heart... this is my Jesus. This is my Beloved.
I guess this verse resonates with me so much because I have found myself in the same position as Mary many, many times. I mistake Jesus for a different person entirely, supposing or assuming that He holds me to a perfect standard, subconsciously thinking that He expects much of me, that He is disappointed in me when I fail. I mistake Him for a harsh, cold, and calculating Jesus, when really He is forgiving, merciful, graceful, and above all, unconditionally loving. So many times I am ridden with guilt and shame, disappointed in myself for failing again, anticipating His wrath, when He calls to me. Just my name. "Faith." So much love and intimacy in just one word.
He loves me. He really, really, loves me. He is not the gardener, nor is He a harsh God. He is not who I sometimes assume Him to be. He is intimate. He is my Jesus, and He died for me.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
The Bible inside your head
Chances are, you've heard the saying, "You may be the only Bible some people ever read." It's a very true statement that should be given much thought and acted upon, but I thought of it in a new light the other day. The sentiment that the saying is trying to get across is that the way you act may very well be the only Christianity some people ever experience, and the words that come out of your mouth may be the only chance some people have to hear God's Word. That's true, and something we should all keep in mind, but here's something else for you to think about:
What if you were literally the only Bible to which you and the people around you had access? What if Bibles were illegal? What if what verses and passages you have memorized right now were the only ones to which you had access until someone smuggled a Bible your way? This may sound extreme and far-off to you, but I believe that the end times are coming. The four blood moons that are happening in the next year and a half have me thinking about Revelation and the end times a lot, and whether or not you think it's coming soon, we need to be ready, because the truth is, it doesn't matter if we think it's soon or not. Jesus said that no one would know the day or hour, so it could be tomorrow for all we know.
I believe that there is coming a time when Christianity will be severely persecuted and maybe even illegal worldwide. What if Bibles became illegal? I am, along with one of my friends, memorizing the book of Philippians. This way, if I ever travel to a country in which Christianity is illegal, I won't have to try to smuggle a physical copy of the Word with me. I will have it in my head. This way, if Christianty becomes illegal here in the states or even worldwide, I will have an entire book of the Bible with me at all times that no authority can take away.
I urge you to memorize scripture. It doesn't have to be an entire book, but it is vital that you be prepared and have the Word in your heart and mind if or when a time comes when men try to take it away from you.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Why I don't pray for trials to cease
God has been challenging me lately in my prayer life. Ever since my trip to Baja in 2012/13, I've had a deeper understanding of how difficulties in this life bring us ever closer to God, how He uses them to teach us more than in any other circumstance in life, how they remind us that this is most definitely not our final destination, how they expose our need for God, and how His will is often accomplished through hard times. But now He is teaching me to apply this knowledge to my prayer life.
It's often easy to pray for the very best in life for our loved ones. It's easy to pray that all their troubles will go away and that their lives will be all but perfect. It's easy to pray that nothing bad will happen to them and that they will never fail. But I can't pray like that anymore. After all I've learned about and experienced in the way of trials and suffering (see last post: http://asongofstruggle.blogspot.com/2014/03/im-about-to-say-something-crazy.html), I can't pray that my loved ones will be relieved of their troubles or that they won't experience them down the road. As Americans, the concept of not praying for absolute comfort and safety is foreign, and it almost sounds hateful, or at the least, unloving. But Jesus never once, not one time in the 33 years He lived on the earth, promised safety or comfort. Instead, He said the exact opposite. He promised persecution, trials, and hate. He didn't promise He would immediately remove us from any hardship as soon as we ask, but He did say He would always be with us.
As hard as it is to believe, praying for the absolute comfort and safety of others just might be equivalent to praying for a stagnant relationship with God and an attachment to the world. So next time you kneel to pray for someone experiencing hardship, or even yourself, rethink your prayers. Instead of praying that their situation would do a 180, pray that they would learn more about God, see their need for Him more, be reminded that this is not their home, and that this situation would be used to bring God glory and accomplish His will. That sounds a whole lot better than just praying for them to be comfortable.
It's often easy to pray for the very best in life for our loved ones. It's easy to pray that all their troubles will go away and that their lives will be all but perfect. It's easy to pray that nothing bad will happen to them and that they will never fail. But I can't pray like that anymore. After all I've learned about and experienced in the way of trials and suffering (see last post: http://asongofstruggle.blogspot.com/2014/03/im-about-to-say-something-crazy.html), I can't pray that my loved ones will be relieved of their troubles or that they won't experience them down the road. As Americans, the concept of not praying for absolute comfort and safety is foreign, and it almost sounds hateful, or at the least, unloving. But Jesus never once, not one time in the 33 years He lived on the earth, promised safety or comfort. Instead, He said the exact opposite. He promised persecution, trials, and hate. He didn't promise He would immediately remove us from any hardship as soon as we ask, but He did say He would always be with us.
As hard as it is to believe, praying for the absolute comfort and safety of others just might be equivalent to praying for a stagnant relationship with God and an attachment to the world. So next time you kneel to pray for someone experiencing hardship, or even yourself, rethink your prayers. Instead of praying that their situation would do a 180, pray that they would learn more about God, see their need for Him more, be reminded that this is not their home, and that this situation would be used to bring God glory and accomplish His will. That sounds a whole lot better than just praying for them to be comfortable.
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