Jesus has been teaching me to be vulnerable. And you know what? Being vulnerable sucks. It goes against everything my flesh wants. Being vulnerable means admitting that I'm not perfect. Even though everyone knows that no one's perfect, deep in our hearts we all want everyone to think that we are.
But I think that this mirage of perfection is one of the reasons nonChristians shy away from us. We say no one's perfect but then act like we are. We have this idea that if we hide our sin and dirty thoughts, people will like us more; if they see the darkness in our hearts, they would be too disgusted to associate with us anymore. But I think that hiding our sin actually pushes people away more, because others, knowing the darkness in their own hearts, feel the need to compete with us; as opposed to everyone admitting their struggles, praying for each other, and discovering that maybe two who had been inwardly competing were actually facing the same struggle all along.
Being vulnerable also trains us to let go of our pride and let God get the glory. When we act like we're perfect, we try to take all the glory for ourselves. We think that if we admit our struggles, people will look down on us, when really what happens is the attention gets taken off us entirely and put on God. He deserves the glory. Who are we to try and keep it from Him?
"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:14
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
"Good at This"
I will admit that publishing this post will be very hard for me; but God has called me to swallow my pride and keep my eyes on Him.
I remember at one point in Mexico (maybe one day I might stop learning things from this trip; I doubt it) the Project Directors were giving out the recognitions for how many years the Global Expeditions alumni had been with GE. The minimum amount of years for recognition is 3, so if I go on a trip this summer I will get recognized. So I remember thinking about that, and thinking something along the lines of "When am I going to get good at this? When will I be able to go on a mission trip and have it all together; be an expert at it? Maybe when they take me up to the front as a 3 year alumni, people will think I'm a good Christian; that I know what I'm doing. Then I'll be someone to look up to." Yeah, I really thought that.
When am I going to get good at this? When will I have it all together? The answer is never. I will never, ever, get good at being a Christian and/or missionary. In 35 years, no matter how dedicated I am to Christ, no matter how much I've sacrificed for the Gospel, no matter how "good" I am, I still will need Christ just as much as today. I will still need His Grace. I will still need His Mercy. I will still need His Love.
And nothing but His Grace will keep me from falling apart. Still.
I want to be independent. Even though I will openly proclaim that He is my everything, I secretly desire in my heart to do things in my own strength so that I can get the glory. So that this summer if I go on a mission trip and I stand up at the front, people will look at me and say SHE is amazing and SHE is dedicated and SHE is a good person and SHE has it all together.
But the truth is that apart from Him we can do nothing. In everything we do, He deserves the Glory because He's the one who accomplished it through us. If I stand up at the front this summer, it will only be by His Grace.
I mentioned in one of my previous posts that some mornings in Mexico, I wanted to lie down and quit so badly that He was the only one who got me through. Isn't it amazing that I can experience that, and still try to take all the glory for myself? I know that if someone did that to me, I would have a whole lot of grace with them.
But God is good. He's good at this. We only need to listen and obey.
I remember at one point in Mexico (maybe one day I might stop learning things from this trip; I doubt it) the Project Directors were giving out the recognitions for how many years the Global Expeditions alumni had been with GE. The minimum amount of years for recognition is 3, so if I go on a trip this summer I will get recognized. So I remember thinking about that, and thinking something along the lines of "When am I going to get good at this? When will I be able to go on a mission trip and have it all together; be an expert at it? Maybe when they take me up to the front as a 3 year alumni, people will think I'm a good Christian; that I know what I'm doing. Then I'll be someone to look up to." Yeah, I really thought that.
When am I going to get good at this? When will I have it all together? The answer is never. I will never, ever, get good at being a Christian and/or missionary. In 35 years, no matter how dedicated I am to Christ, no matter how much I've sacrificed for the Gospel, no matter how "good" I am, I still will need Christ just as much as today. I will still need His Grace. I will still need His Mercy. I will still need His Love.
And nothing but His Grace will keep me from falling apart. Still.
I want to be independent. Even though I will openly proclaim that He is my everything, I secretly desire in my heart to do things in my own strength so that I can get the glory. So that this summer if I go on a mission trip and I stand up at the front, people will look at me and say SHE is amazing and SHE is dedicated and SHE is a good person and SHE has it all together.
But the truth is that apart from Him we can do nothing. In everything we do, He deserves the Glory because He's the one who accomplished it through us. If I stand up at the front this summer, it will only be by His Grace.
I mentioned in one of my previous posts that some mornings in Mexico, I wanted to lie down and quit so badly that He was the only one who got me through. Isn't it amazing that I can experience that, and still try to take all the glory for myself? I know that if someone did that to me, I would have a whole lot of grace with them.
But God is good. He's good at this. We only need to listen and obey.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
I Will Serve Before I Demand
I was first introduced to the Declaration of a Worldchanger in July 2011, on my first mission trip, to Mexico. Global Expeditions, the organization I go on missions with, uses this declaration every single day on every single mission trip they go on. It says:
Today, I will live honorably through my thoughts, actions, and speech. I choose to be full of faith; I will not only be a hearer but a doer of the Word of God. I will serve before I demand, I will love and not hate, and I will give before I take. Today, I choose to make a difference in this world and to be a part of something bigger than myself. I choose to dedicate my life to prayer, and as God for His miraculous power and the courage to do the impossible. I will make Godly relationships a priority in my life as I esteem others as higher than myself. Today, I will live my life in such a way that I will change the world.
I've known of this declaration for just over a year and a half now, but I haven't viewed it as something to actually live by and be applied to my life until recently . I remember one day when I was in Mexico (this recent trip) we were on the bus either going to a ministry site or back to the base. Someone said or did something, I'm not sure who or what, but my team leader mentioned the phrase "I will serve before I demand," as a prompter to do the right thing. I remember just having a revelation, like, wow, I can actually apply this to my life.
Ever since, the Holy Spirit has been convicting me over and over and over with those words. "I will serve before I demand." It's changed my life.
And do you know how hard it is to live by that principle when no one else is?? It's so hard! My brothers went with me to Mexico, so they're also familiar with the declaration. Sometimes, the Spirit whispers, "I will serve before I demand," and I think, "Well why can't they serve before they demand a little more?!" I am always so tempted to just say it to their face. But I know that it's God's job to work on them, not mine.
And really, this isn't a new concept. It's in the Gospel a hundred times. I just needed it in a format that I can be reminded of daily.
"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge it the sinful nature, rather, serve one another in love." Galatians 5:13
Today, I will live honorably through my thoughts, actions, and speech. I choose to be full of faith; I will not only be a hearer but a doer of the Word of God. I will serve before I demand, I will love and not hate, and I will give before I take. Today, I choose to make a difference in this world and to be a part of something bigger than myself. I choose to dedicate my life to prayer, and as God for His miraculous power and the courage to do the impossible. I will make Godly relationships a priority in my life as I esteem others as higher than myself. Today, I will live my life in such a way that I will change the world.
I've known of this declaration for just over a year and a half now, but I haven't viewed it as something to actually live by and be applied to my life until recently . I remember one day when I was in Mexico (this recent trip) we were on the bus either going to a ministry site or back to the base. Someone said or did something, I'm not sure who or what, but my team leader mentioned the phrase "I will serve before I demand," as a prompter to do the right thing. I remember just having a revelation, like, wow, I can actually apply this to my life.
Ever since, the Holy Spirit has been convicting me over and over and over with those words. "I will serve before I demand." It's changed my life.
And do you know how hard it is to live by that principle when no one else is?? It's so hard! My brothers went with me to Mexico, so they're also familiar with the declaration. Sometimes, the Spirit whispers, "I will serve before I demand," and I think, "Well why can't they serve before they demand a little more?!" I am always so tempted to just say it to their face. But I know that it's God's job to work on them, not mine.
And really, this isn't a new concept. It's in the Gospel a hundred times. I just needed it in a format that I can be reminded of daily.
"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge it the sinful nature, rather, serve one another in love." Galatians 5:13
Monday, February 18, 2013
Obey
I haven't written on here in a long time. If I wasn't going to be vulnerable, I would say it's because I'm so busy. I would say that I have soo much school and soo many extracurricular activities and that violin is soo hard right now, etc. But since I'm being honest, it's because I'm not obedient to God's voice. He tells me to write, and it's too much work so I don't. He tells me to write but I just got books from the library and I'd rather read. He tells me to write but I haven't checked Facebook and Instagram since three seconds ago, so I choose to ignore Him.
To be honest, I don't manage my time well. At all. Thank God I'm drowning in His Grace. In Isaiah it says that the willing and obedient will eat the good of the land. I like to quote this all the time but I don't realize how often I disobey him all the time. In the little things. He tells me to write, and I procrastinate, and come up with a million reasons not to, and I refuse to believe in my heart that I just point-blank refused to do what God said. Gods says that if we are unfaithful with a little, we'll be unfaithful with a lot. It's in the little things.
Abba, be my strength and help me obey in even when it seems insignificant and optional. Thank you for Your Grace. I love you.
To be honest, I don't manage my time well. At all. Thank God I'm drowning in His Grace. In Isaiah it says that the willing and obedient will eat the good of the land. I like to quote this all the time but I don't realize how often I disobey him all the time. In the little things. He tells me to write, and I procrastinate, and come up with a million reasons not to, and I refuse to believe in my heart that I just point-blank refused to do what God said. Gods says that if we are unfaithful with a little, we'll be unfaithful with a lot. It's in the little things.
Abba, be my strength and help me obey in even when it seems insignificant and optional. Thank you for Your Grace. I love you.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Be Courageous
In Acts 9, Saul is on his way to Damascus basically to persecute the church and throw believers in prison. You probably know about how he was struck blind and had to be led by the hand to Damascus.
The Lord had decided to use Ananias to minister to and heal Saul of his blindness. We know this because when The Lord is talking to Ananias, He mentions that He had told Saul in a dream that Ananias was coming.
So God tells Ananias to go heal Saul and minister to him, and basically tell Saul of his calling. Now Ananias knows about Saul. He even knows that he came with papers that allow him to arrest believers. And what does God ask Ananias to do? Go preach the Gospel to him!
I'm thinking that this is probably something like the equivalent to walking up to a Chinese government official with a Bible and saying, "Can I tell you about Jesus?"
Ananias knew what could happen if he followed God's instructions. He knew that the chances of getting thrown in jail and possibly killed were about 99.9%. And he makes sure God knows, too. He's like, "Uhh, God... you do know that this guy will throw me in prison, right?" And you know why God tells him?
"Go! This man is my chosen instrument..."
Now here is the perfect opportunity for Ananias to be jealous. Really? This sinner, this enemy of the Gospel is chosen to be Your instrument, and I'm not? And of course there's ultimately the fear of getting thrown in prison or killed.
But what does Ananias do? He goes. No more questions asked. It doesn't say anywhere that he wasn't quaking with fear, or doubting himself the whole way there, but he went.
Be courageous. You may not be facing death or prison for the Gospel, but God may have asked you to do something that scares you just as much as ministering to Saul scared Ananias. You may not get all the recognition. You may be a critical piece in someone else's glorious story of redemption, and never get recognized for it. But God gets all the glory anyway. All He asks of us is to be courageous enough to do what He says.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9 NIV
The Lord had decided to use Ananias to minister to and heal Saul of his blindness. We know this because when The Lord is talking to Ananias, He mentions that He had told Saul in a dream that Ananias was coming.
So God tells Ananias to go heal Saul and minister to him, and basically tell Saul of his calling. Now Ananias knows about Saul. He even knows that he came with papers that allow him to arrest believers. And what does God ask Ananias to do? Go preach the Gospel to him!
I'm thinking that this is probably something like the equivalent to walking up to a Chinese government official with a Bible and saying, "Can I tell you about Jesus?"
Ananias knew what could happen if he followed God's instructions. He knew that the chances of getting thrown in jail and possibly killed were about 99.9%. And he makes sure God knows, too. He's like, "Uhh, God... you do know that this guy will throw me in prison, right?" And you know why God tells him?
"Go! This man is my chosen instrument..."
Now here is the perfect opportunity for Ananias to be jealous. Really? This sinner, this enemy of the Gospel is chosen to be Your instrument, and I'm not? And of course there's ultimately the fear of getting thrown in prison or killed.
But what does Ananias do? He goes. No more questions asked. It doesn't say anywhere that he wasn't quaking with fear, or doubting himself the whole way there, but he went.
Be courageous. You may not be facing death or prison for the Gospel, but God may have asked you to do something that scares you just as much as ministering to Saul scared Ananias. You may not get all the recognition. You may be a critical piece in someone else's glorious story of redemption, and never get recognized for it. But God gets all the glory anyway. All He asks of us is to be courageous enough to do what He says.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for The Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9 NIV
Monday, February 4, 2013
My In-Between Life
I am called to missions. It's where my heart is. I have always wanted to be a missionary and the more I do it the more I love it. It's not even been a month since I've been home from Mexico and I'm already dying to start fundraising for the next trip. I feel more at home on the mission field than anywhere else; while I'm there, nothing else seems real. I feel like that is my real life and when I go home, that's my in-between life. In a way I'm right. Missions is what I'm called to. However God has not called me right now to a permanent life of full-time ministry in the same way that I would on a permanent mission field. I struggle with purposelessness when I'm home. I struggle with guilt about not doing missions work. I can look forward to the next mission trip or my future in full time missions all I want but that doesn't change that right now I tend to feel like I have no use to God.
But that's not the whole Gospel. Yes, we have a responsibility and even an obligation to preach the Gospel and reach the nations but I forget often that the Gospel is also about Him seeking us. God, passionately relentlessly pursuing us with reckless abandon. He loves us. And His LOVE! It's greater than life itself! We are the bride and He is the bridegroom. He is our lover. He is our Beloved. And even though we are an endlessly unfaithful bride, He.is.faithful.
The Gospel is not just for other people.
The Gospel is for me.
Jesus died for me.
He wants me.
The Gospel is a love story.
So, yes. I am called to missions. It's where my heart is. But, it's not the only thing that matters. Jesus wants me, too, and I don't have to be in a foreign country to be close to Him.
He wants all of me right now. Today. We're not promised tomorrow.
But that's not the whole Gospel. Yes, we have a responsibility and even an obligation to preach the Gospel and reach the nations but I forget often that the Gospel is also about Him seeking us. God, passionately relentlessly pursuing us with reckless abandon. He loves us. And His LOVE! It's greater than life itself! We are the bride and He is the bridegroom. He is our lover. He is our Beloved. And even though we are an endlessly unfaithful bride, He.is.faithful.
The Gospel is not just for other people.
The Gospel is for me.
Jesus died for me.
He wants me.
The Gospel is a love story.
So, yes. I am called to missions. It's where my heart is. But, it's not the only thing that matters. Jesus wants me, too, and I don't have to be in a foreign country to be close to Him.
He wants all of me right now. Today. We're not promised tomorrow.
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