No regrets

I recently remembered something that happened on my mission trip to Australia in 2012, and God is using it to challenge me. It's rare that I remember something that I had forgotten about a trip that happened such a while back, but today I remembered that on my 15th birthday, near the end of our time in Australia, our team leaders asked us what we desired out of the rest of the trip, and I remember saying that I wanted no regrets. I didn't want to look back and say that there was a person that I could have talked to but didn't; that there was someone I was supposed to pray for but I chickened out. I didn't want to pass up a single moment, a single opportunity, a single thing that God had for me to do on the trip.


Sadly, I failed. I didn't talk to everyone that I had the ability to talk to. I didn't pray over every person I was supposed to. I failed, like I so often do. But now God has brought this desire back to mind. He has challenged me to actually live like this. He is daring me to see what life would be like if I didn't hold back anything, ever. That's a scary thing. To step out and just do whatever He says without hesitation is scary. It takes a lot of courage and sacrifice. There's a reason Christ told us to die to ourselves; we don't want to do the scary stuff He asks us to do! I have to die to myself to even consider what He says sometimes.


But now let's step back and look at the bigger picture. What would the world look like as a whole if we all lived this way? Even as I write this, He is bringing to mind things I could do that I really don't want to do. To be honest, it's making me uncomfortable. But that's okay. He's showing me more every day how my life really is an adventure like the ones I've always read about, and bringing to mind all the time how none of those exciting adventures were ever particularly comfortable for the adventurer.


Ephesians 5:15-16 (emphasis mine)
 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

Not a lukewarm God

In Revelation 3, God addresses lukewarmness in the church of Laodicea. Verses 15-16 say "I know your works. You are neither cold with apathy nor hot with passion. It would be better if you were one or the other, but you are neither.  So because you are lukewarm, neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth."  Lukewarmness is a heart issue. It's tricky and hard to recognize, even in yourself, because the works are still there.  You can be doing every single good work available for you to do, and still be lukewarm if your heart is indifferent.


God has been convicting me of lukewarmness in my own heart, and it's heart-wrenching. "What?????? Me??? I'm not lukewarm! Jesus, I do so much for You! I love You so much, how could I possibly be lukewarm???" But He brings to remembrance how my mind wanders during worship, even while passionately belting the songs with arms lifted, how my quiet times can tend to be merely motions, my heart and mind elsewhere. The works are still there, quiet time and everything. The heart alone is indifferent, but it's what He cares about. He passionately in love with me, and He longs for my heart to incline towards Him.


God asks us to love like He does. So, if lukewarmness is a heart issue; if He wants us to love Him with our hearts, what does that say about Him? It means that He is not a lukewarm God! It means He doesn't just do stuff for us because He feels obligated; He doesn't do stuff for us while His heart is elsewhere, not caring one way or the other. It means that behind every little thing He does for us is a heart exploding with passionate love! It means He really, really loves us! It even says at the end of the letter to the church at Laodicea that He is warning them of their lukewarmness because of His great love! (verse 19)


He isn't waiting impatiently for us to stop being so lukewarm, annoyed that our hearts turned elsewhere yet again, He's bursting with anticipation for the moment that our hearts turn to Him. He's waiting with a bucket of lovingkindness, ready to drench us the moment we seek His face.

My sickening selfishness

How many times have I come across an opportunity to give, and passed it by because I "didn't have enough money"?  How many times have I wanted to help with a worthy cause, being moved by pictures of small children holding their protruding bellies or sick people with no medicine but didn't do anything about it because "I don't have money"? That being said, of those times that I passed an opportunity by, how often had I, just before then, just bought something for myself? "I don't have any money to give to orphans and widows because I just spent all my money on myself." It sounds so ugly and selfish, so despicable, but it's exactly what happens. How can I possibly continue to love my stuff, my new clothes and bags and guitar and laptop and any other number of things, when I stare into the eyes of a small starving child on a picture and say, "Sorry, I don't have any money to help you. I just spent it all on myself."?


I've been making money from babysitting for something like 3 or 4 years now. For three or four years I have said no. Sure, I've tithed, and even gone above many, many times but almost every time a chance to go even further, to put in my precious coin (Mark 12:41-44), came,  I passed it by, saying I didn't have enough when really I did, having spent it all on myself.


This year, I say no more. This year, I've had enough of my sickening selfishness. This year, I have felt to give half of all my earnings after tithe to God in some way (i.e., a $10 paycheck would be split into $1 tithe, $4.50 for myself, $4.50 to God). Later on in life, I'll have bills to pay, and eventually a family to take care of, and I'll lose the opportunity to give this radically. It's unrealistic to think that a grown adult could give half their earnings away, unless their earnings were extremely high and living cost low. I'm taking this year to be completely crazy. I'm doing something most would call a little extreme. But that's okay. God deserves so much more than just 10% of my money.


Young people, I challenge you to live radically with your money. This isn't a guilt trip; all God requires of you is that you give 10%. However, I challenge you to be a little bit insane and waste you life at the feet of God. Later in life, you won't have the opportunity to give this much. So what are you going to do right now? 


Adults, I challenge you to find a way to give even more. Cancel the cable. Stop drinking coffee. Stop drinking soda. Stop eating out. Anything. The more crazy it sounds, the better. I challenge you to really value God above everything in your life. Once again, this isn't a guilt trip. God only requires 10%. But here's my question for you: do you want to be a little bit crazy for the cause of the Gospel?


I'm finished with my selfishness. Are you?

When God takes away everything

I recently told a friend via text, "God is taking away everything I think I need so I can realize that all  really need is Him." I didn't realize then how very true that would turn out to be. I said this because when I leave for Texas, I'm leaving everything behind. My entire life will change. I will not be around the same people, do the same things, or go the same places. I'm leaving all my friends. So many times I've gone to my friends for comfort or help or basically anything and they are always there. I've known all my closest friends for almost all my life. I can hardly remember not knowing them. I laugh so hard, and have so much fun with them. They've been with me all throughout my walk with the Lord, grown with me, and sat and listened while I babbled on and on and on and on and on about mission trips ("oh this one time in Australia...").Leaving my friends is a big deal. I'm leaving all my family. My family is a huge deal to me. I'm with them all day everyday. Literally. I don't go to school and then see them in the evenings. I'm hanging out with, talking with, and just living with them everyday, all day. They are some of my best friends. My brothers make me laugh more than almost anyone I know and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Leaving my family is a big deal. I'm leaving my church. I've been going to the same church my entire life, and my family would have to be practically dying for us to skip even one time. We're at church every single Sunday from about 7:30am to 1:30pm. It's a huge part of my life. Leaving my church is a big deal.






God is taking me to this internship across the country to disciple me and grow me, but He's also drawing me unto Him. He's literally taking away everything I think I need, and my only options are to turn and run away or dive into Him. Last Tuesday, I found out that what I had thought was everything, was not. My parents, through many tears, informed me that Cory and Ali Kent, the worship leaders at my church and the parents of one of the boys we babysit every day, have felt God's call to leave the church and move away. This means we will no longer have the privilege of babysitting little Graham anymore. We have babysat him for almost 2 1/2 years now, since he was 4 months old. We have seen him grow up, and he has become a part of our family. We love him so much, it's hard to express in mere words how painful it is to let him go. I thought I had given God everything, but when I heard that my little Grahammy was leaving, I found a small part of my heart that I had not yet given to God. I have to trust Him fully now, even more so than before, knowing that He know what He's doing. He really does. Almost 3 years ago when I held Graham for the first time, cradling his then tiny form, staring into infant perfection, God knew this day was coming. He knew that on January 7, 2014, I would be crying myself to sleep in a hotel room, heartbroken. I didn't know, but He did. He knew, and He had things happen the way they did, because He knows best. We as humans would try to save ourselves as much pain as possible, but He loves us too much for that.






I don't know God's full design. I don't know where He's going with all this. But He does, and that's all that matters. I love Graham fiercely, and I always will, but that part of my heart is now surrendered to Christ.




I think C.S. Lewis said it best:

It's doesn't matter if he goes to church

Something that has really bugged me in the church recently is that whenever we're addressing the single population, at least in the youth, we always emphasize "Does your boyfriend go to church?" "Don't be unequally yoked!" we say. "Before you get into a relationship, make sure he goes to church!" I'm gonna  break some new ground here and say: it doesn't matter if he goes to church.  Blasphemy! What? Yes, I really don't think it matters if he goes to church. Why? Because, just because he goes to church, that doesn't mean he has a relationship with The Lord. It doesn't mean he actually pursues God. He could have a "casual" relationship with God, being saved, but not caring to seek God or obey Him. 

It doesn't matter if he goes to church. Most likely, if he is pursuing God and seeking Him, he will go to church. But that is not the determining factor. I've met people who go to church whom I would never date. I've known people who don't go to church who are passionately pursuing God. Really, what matters, all you single people, is that the person is pursuing God. Here's a little check: are they pursuing and seeking God more than they are anything else in their life, even you? 

Whether or not someone should go to or not go to church is another discussion. I'm saying that just because someone goes to church, that doesn't mean they have a relationship with or are seeking God. 

Romans 2:13 

"For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God's sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous."

It's not an excuse

This post is for the ladies only! Trust me, guys, you really don't wanna hear this. :)

"If you are on your period, it's okay to be ill-mannered, grumpy, rude, lose self-control, lash out, etc." says no scripture, ever. Nowhere in the Bible is there a verse that gives permission for you to stop being Christ-like for any reason at all, ever. In fact, it says quite the opposite! "Whatever happens [even your period], conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the Gospel." Philippians 1:27 

I totally understand that hormones and chemical imbalances will happen regardless of our standing in Christ; we are women and that's what happens. But just because you feel grumpy and want to be rude and lash out, that doesn't mean you need to act on those desires. Christ has made you new and supernaturally given you overflowing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22) Being on your period is never an excuse. Ever. You have no reason not to practice self-control. Galatians 5:13 says, "You, my brothers [or sisters!:)], were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love." 

So next time you're on your period, make a conscious decision to practice self-control. Don't make petty excuses as to why you can't be nice and considerate and loving. You're so much better than that. We're daughters of the High King - princesses - and it's high time we started acting like it. 

There's gonna be a wedding

There's gonna be a wedding to which no other wedding could ever compare. The Lamb of Judah will marry His bride, the church, by a sea of glass, never to be parted by anything ever again. He longs and waits for His bride, for the wedding day; oh, how His heart aches for that day! His desire is to clothe her in white and marry her. It will be the most glorious union ever beheld; every beautiful wedding only a glimpse, a peek, at this magnificent day.

 He prepares us for this wedding every day. Think of this life as the manicure, the pedicure, the makeup job, the hair styling, and the gown fitting. He is constantly preparing us, the harlot He chose for Himself, to be His bride. He pleads with us to shower in His blood, to take off every filthy thing holding us back from Him; He tries to get us to take off our dirty, old, torn clothes to put on our gown of righteousness, but we love our sin. We won't get ready for that day; we love our dirtiness too much. We'd love to bathe and dress ourselves in His righteousness but the comfort of our broken-in ruts of unholiness hold us back, hesitant to take what is rightfully ours by the shedding of His blood. 

He cries out, "Be Holy! My bride, prepare for the day I long for so much! Turn away from your sin and run into my arms! Let me clothe you in righteousness! Be Holy!" 

People of God, get ready! There's gonna be a wedding. Prepare yourself, oh Bride of the Lamb, for your wedding day!