My In-Between Life

I am called to missions. It's where my heart is. I have always wanted to be a missionary and the more I do it the more I love it. It's not even been a month since I've been home from Mexico and I'm already dying to start fundraising for the next trip. I feel more at home on the mission field than anywhere else; while I'm there, nothing else seems real. I feel like that is my real life and when I go home, that's my in-between life. In a way I'm right. Missions is what I'm called to. However God has not called me right now to a permanent life of full-time ministry in the same way that I would on a permanent mission field. I struggle with purposelessness when I'm home. I struggle with guilt about not doing missions work. I can look forward to the next mission trip or my future in full time missions all I want but that doesn't change that right now I tend to feel like I have no use to God.
But that's not the whole Gospel. Yes, we have a responsibility and even an obligation to preach the Gospel and reach the nations but I forget often that the Gospel is also about Him seeking us. God, passionately relentlessly pursuing us with reckless abandon. He loves us. And His LOVE! It's greater than life itself! We are the bride and He is the bridegroom. He is our lover. He is our Beloved. And even though we are an endlessly unfaithful bride, He.is.faithful.
The Gospel is not just for other people.
The Gospel is for me.
Jesus died for me.
He wants me.
The Gospel is a love story.
So, yes. I am called to missions. It's where my heart is. But, it's not the only thing that matters. Jesus wants me, too, and I don't have to be in a foreign country to be close to Him.
He wants all of me right now. Today. We're not promised tomorrow.