I love the rain-but not really.

I recently saw a quote by Bob Marley that said, "You say you love rain, but you use an umbrella... So that's why I'm scared when you say you love me." As I sat in my grandparent's screened-in porch listening to the Florida downpour, I contemplated this quote. I love the rain. I love to listen to the gentle tapping on the roof, and I love to curl up with a book and some tea on a rainy day. But I use an umbrella. I try to avoid walking in the rain. I run through, laughing, trying to stay as dry as possible. Do I really love rain? I came to this conclusion: I may love rain, but mostly I love the idea of rain. I love the idea of a midsummer drenching, and of playing in puddles, and arriving home soaking wet, a large grin on my face. But the truth of the matter is that I only really love rain when it's convenient. I love rain when I'm inside to listen to or watch it, but when I'm forced to go walk in it, or stand in it, I may not be quite so happy to see a dark sky filled with heavy clouds. You see, it's very inconvenient to get drenched when you have somewhere to go or something to do. I don't always have the time to run outside during a rain shower and play in the puddles. Most of the time, rain is inconvenient to me. So I use an umbrella.

I got to thinking, do I love God the way I love rain? What if I mostly just love the idea of God, or the idea of obeying God? The idea of someone throwing their whole life away for the Gospel is utterly romantic. I swoon over the thought of giving everything to serve Jesus. My heart leaps in excitement at the thought of obeying Christ when it's hard, but that's just the thing: it's hard. It's inconvenient, and sometimes I just don't want to. I love the idea of going hard after Christ; I love the idea of obeying Him wholeheartedly without thought to my own wants, needs, or safety, but when it comes down to it, I think most of the time I only love the idea. At the moment that Jesus exposes something I must give to Him, or shows me something I need to do (or stop doing), I shut down. All those dreamy thoughts of the mystical wonder of obeying are now gone, and all I want is to do what makes me feel the most comfortable right now. 

Abba, give me heart that loves You, not just the idea of You, and that is willing to obey. Show me, like you showed Paul, what things I must suffer for Your Name, and give me a heart that is ready and willing to do those things. 

I love You.