Doubt

"Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'

Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'"  (Matthew 14:29-31) 

Here's the thing about this situation. When Peter saw the waves and became afraid and began to doubt, he started to sink. To us it is quite obvious the reason for his sinking: he started to doubt. He was afraid, and in the moment, he didn't trust that Jesus would keep him afloat. 

But today I was reading this passage and it occurred to me that in the situation, Peter probably thought the reason he was sinking was because of the wind and waves. After all, he sees the wind, and immediately starts to sink. So he probably thought that the reason he was sinking was because of his situation/surroundings, not because he doubted. 

How many times do we think this in our everyday lives? Life gets us into so many situations where we cry out, "Lord, save me!" But when we get to that point of being overwhelmed, where we cry out to him because we think we're going to drown, what if the reason were about to drown is because of unbelief? Yes, obviously the troubles are there whether we believe on Christ to keep us afloat or not, but whether we start to drown under them is up to us.

God's Love

God loves you. 

What a cliché statement! It is so utterly overused that I feel it has lost almost all meaning in today's society. You see it and hear it everywhere. 

It is so often connected with Jesus's death on the cross that I have found, even in my own life, that His love for me appears to be an action by itself. We emphasize love being an action, and neglect the fact that it is also and just as much so, an emotion. 

When people say "Jesus loves you so much that He died for you!" it registers with me subconsciously not that He feels moved by me, not that He desires to be with me so much that He would do anything to be with me, not that He is blessed by my presence, not that I am more precious to Him than anything else in creation, but that He simply practiced an action which was habitual to Him because of who He is. When people say He loves me I think that He does stuff for me. 

But think of this: marriage was designed to imitate and create a picture of our relationship with Christ. So think of a man who is utterly, insatiably, in love. Think of how he gazes at his wife and loves everything about her. He knows the little, tiny, insignificant facts about her and is crazy about them for no other reason than that he loves her. He knows her little quirks and smiles at them. He sees her little habits and chuckles at how cute they are. He looks at her and just purely loves. He loves her. No strings attached. He just loves her. That's all. For everything; despite everything.

That's a very small, unsatisfactory, inadequate allegory of how Christ loves us. He is moved by us. He longs for our presence. He sees the tiny, insignificant little facts about our personalities and smiles because He created us like that.  

Knowing this changes the way we view ourselves in relation to sin and guilt and shame and grace. For example, I miss my quiet times often. I feel guilt and shame, subconsciously thinking that God is disappointed in me. But in view of the way God loves me, I know that He is not disappointed but in fact just longing to be with me. That is all. We can view grace differently in view of this because then we know that He forgives and pardons us not just because He is good and gracious, but also and just as much so because He loves us so much He wants to look past our sins just to be with us. 

I got a revelation of all this today as I was cleaning my room while listening to classical music. I had discovered a book on my shelf in the middle of putting something away and got distracted and sat on the floor and started reading it. There I was, in my pajamas on my floor reading a book while in the middle of cleaning my room. And listening to classical music. And Jesus said, "I love that. I love how you just randomly sit in the middle of your floor and read even though you're busy doing something else. I love that you listen to classical music even though no one else does. I love how you love to read so much that you'll read more than one book at a time. I love your insatiable curiosity. I made you like that. I love you." 

Woah.

How different and more beautiful is His love than what we think it to be! 

I love you, Jesus.

High Places and Idols

God is very obviously speaking to me a lot about idols. Today, actually, the sermon at church and a book I'm reading and my Bible reading all harmoniously worked together. 

Pastor John talked about leaving a legacy of faith, and how we are to live today in order that our children and grandchildren would see our example and follow. He really challenged us to leave a Hebrews 11-type legacy.

The book I'm reading right now is called Gods at War by Kyle Idleman. He talks in this book about things in every person's life that have become idols that we worship in place of God. 

Right now in my Bible reading part of what I'm reading is in first and second kings. To be completely honest, these books can be a little bit boring at times. But I noticed that there are 3 different types of kings in the Kings books:

1.) Ones who did evil in the eyes of The Lord. An example is Jehoahaz: "In the twenty-third year of Joash son of Ahaziah king of Judah, Jehoahaz son of Jehu became king of Israel in Samaria, and he reigned seventeen years. He did evil in the eyes of The Lord by following the sins of Jeroboam son of Nebat, which he had caused Israel to commit, and he did not turn away from them." (2 Kings 13:1-2)

2.) Ones who did right in the eyes of The Lord. An example is Hezekiah: "in the third year of Hoshea son of Eleah king of Israel, Hezekiah son of Ahaz king if Judah began to reign. He did what was right in the eyes of The Lord, just as his father David had done." (2Kings 18:1,3)

3.) Ones who did right in the eyes of The Lord, but the high places were not removed. An example is Azariah: "In the twenty-seventh year of Jeroboam king of Israel, Azariah son of Amaziah king of Judah began to reign. He did right in the eyes of The Lord, just as his fathe Amaziah had done. The high places, however, were not removed, and the people continued to offer sacrifices and burn insence there."  (2Kings 15:1,3-4)

So I have this challenge for you: What idols do you have in your life? What do you talk about most, think about most, complain about most, what upsets you most? 

Once you've identified the idols, it will be hard to give them up. After all, you love them, otherwise they wouldn't be idols. So this is my question: What kind if legacy are you leaving? If we were to end up in some ancient record, what would it say about you?  Would it say, "____ did what was evil in the eyes of The Lord."? Would it say, "_____ did what was right in the eyes of The Lord, but they did not remove the high places, and they continued to offer sacrifices and burn insence there."? Or will you leave a legacy of faith, a legacy that everyone who knows you can look up to? It's up to you. 

Hard

TThe other day in church I had this random revelation from God. He said:

"Following Me is not always happiness and skipping through the daisies. That is the result of following Me. Following Me is the hardest thing you will ever do, and it takes all you have."

This seriously explains so much. I think about all the people who give up and abandon God because it was hard; confused and angry because it wasn't easy and, well, skipping through daisies. 

How easily do we, even we who haven't abandoned God, decide it's too hard on a daily basis? It takes such a small amount of convincing to make me push my quiet time off another hour, another hour, another hour, till all of a sudden it's time for bed and I still haven't spend time with God. 

Can you imagine if we acted this way in other areas of our lives? Imagine if in every married couple, at the VERY first tiny little suggestion that maybe they want a divorce, they acted on it. There wouldn't be any married couples left! Imagine if every athlete, the very first time it started to get hard, at the very first thought of doubt, immediately sat down and quit. There would be no professional athletes!! 

Now think. If we can push our limits mentally and physically in these areas, fighting doubt and insisting that we will continue no matter how hard it gets, or how badly we want to quit, how much more should we be able to persevere in our walk with God, no matter how hard or how badly we want to quit, since it is the most important part of our entire lives?!

1 Timothy 4:8 says:

"For physical training is of some value, but Godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come."

God deserves even more dedication and perseverance on our part than our marriages and sports, so let us push ourselves and strive to please Him no matter how badly we want to quit, no matter how hard it gets.

Surrender

So many songs in the Christian world today sing about surrendering it all to God. And those songs always kinda confused me because I thought, "This is a great song and all but seriously, I've already surrendered my life to Him. It's not like I fall away from Him in between every time I sing these songs. What's the point?"

But I had a revelation today that surrendering isn't something that you do at the altar and then you're done. The surrendering that happens when you sing "I surrender" is just a commitment. The real surrendering happens all day, every day, every second of the day. That's the fulfillment of the commitment you made at the altar singing, "I surrender."

It happens through sacrifices. When you are given the choice to think about things that please God or don't, you surrender and choose Him. When you have to choose between sports and church you choose Him. When you have to choose between indulging in your tiredness or sacrificing yourself to go to church you choose Him. When you have to choose between watching TV/playing video games/doing social media and spending time in the Word you choose Him. When you have to choose between hanging with your friends or going home because you haven't done your quiet time yet, you choose Him. You choose Him every time, over everything.

That's surrender.

That's what Jesus meant when He said to die to yourself; to carry your cross.

In Matthew 6:24 Jesus says:
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

In my Bible I've written in after that verse so it reads like this:
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money or image or things or idols or yourself or time or pleasure or your friends."

And the funny thing is, when we choose Him over us, life is better. We think that maybe because we're not doing what we want at the moment and continually choosing what He wants instead, that we're going to be miserable and unhappy. But Jesus is so faithful. Just being with Him becomes a blessing. We go from sacrificing to be with Him because He told us to, to sacrificing to be with Him because we can't get enough of Him!

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him. For everything in the world - the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boosting of what he has and does - comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away but the man who does the will of God lives forever."        2 John 2:15-17

"The he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever who wants to save his life must lose it and whoever loses his life for Me will save it." Luke 9:23-24 (emphasis mine)

Ulterior Motives

When Jesus loves us, He loves us with a fierce and unconditional love.  He has no ulterior motives. The definition of an ulterior motive is

  "A motive, object, or aim which is beyond that which is acknowledged openly."  

He does not love us because He expects something from us in return. He does not love us because He wants to us to give Him the Glory. He does not love us because His kingdom might gain from it. He does not love us because He expects us to give Him our lives in return. He does not love us so that we will love Him in return. He does not love us so that we will in turn spread His Gospel. He does not love us for any other reason than that He made us and He simply loves us. That's it. He doesn't love us to gain anything.

It is our belief that He has ulterior motives for loving us that makes us think at any moment for any reason that He has stopped loving us. We subconsciously hold the belief that He loves us with the expectation that we will love Him back; then when we fail Him we think that because we did not love Him back He will stop loving us for however brief a time.

Now don't get me wrong; He does want all the Glory. He does want our lives to benefit the kingdom. He does want us to give Him our lives. He does want us to love Him in return. He does want us to spread His Gospel. However if we fail to do any of these things He still loves us with exactly the same love. When all ulterior motives are removed, there remains a pure coexistence where He can love us freely, expecting nothing in return; and we can serve Him freely, expecting nothing in return. Both simply loving because they adore the other.

Jesus has no ulterior motives. He does not love us for any reason other than that He loves us. W are to follow His example and love God and others without ulterior motives, loving simply because we love Him.

Abba, give me a heart to love like You love, without any expectations or attachments. Help me to see when I fail that You love me in the same way as always. I love You.

Investment

Loving God is a big investment. 

Think about it. In Mark 10 Jesus required a young man to give up everything he had to follow Him. In Matthew 8 Jesus requires us to follow Him above and despite family. God asks us to take up our crosses and deny ourselves in Luke 9. God asks us to go tell the world about Him in Matthew 28. Countless times throughout the New Testament Jesus tells us to be servants; to be the last and not the first; to think of others before ourselves. 

What's more, is that He wants to have a relationship with us. Relationships cost time and money. You spend time with your friends to know them. You spend money on them, unconsciously or not. If you're gonna go drive and see them, it's going to cost you gas.

If you're going to have a relationship with God, you need to invest in Him. You need to invest your time to spend time with Him. To know Him, you need to hang out with Him. You need to invest your whole self. If you don't have money (which, by the way, you probably do have some. Even if its only $1.), you have time. Don't tell me you don't have time. The average American person spends about 67 minutes a day eating. That's an entire hour. You could argue that eating is something necessary for living, but most Christians would say that Jesus is their everything and agree that He is necessary for living....  My point is that you do have time. 

I'm pretty sure that every Christian would say that they want something from God. Money, healing, help, comfort, answers, blessings, stuff, better relationships, provision, protection, wisdom, etc, etc, etc. God wants to bless everyone, but think of it this way:

What if there was a farmer who decided that his fields were no longer worth the investment of planting his corn? The corn was just too precious to him, and he was too afraid to lose it; too afraid that he wouldn't reap a harvest from it. So he planted 3 kernels of corn for his entire field. He then proceeded to pray that God would bless him with a bountiful harvest. He prayed and begged and fasted and asked but when harvest came around he had 3 stalks of corn.  He cried and yelled and angrily asked God where He is and why didn't He bless me? 

Using this analogy makes it very clear. Anyone who lives remotely close to any kind of crop knows that you reap what you sow. If you sow an entire field, you're going to get a field's worth of that crop. If you only throw a few seeds out there, you're only going to get a tiny bit of that crop. 

So if your relationship with God feels dry and scanty, look at what you're sowing. What are you investing?