So about being vulnerable...
I think I might just maybe have the hang of it. Maybe. It does get easier, but then God calls me to reveal something that really makes me cringe, something I wouldn't want anyone to know.
The thing is, now, I want to point it out every time I'm vulnerable. I want to, at the beginning of every post that I have to be vulnerable in, to say something along the lines of "This post is very hard for me" or, "Being vulnerable again!" Because deep in my heart I want something out of this. If I'm gonna have to be vulnerable on the Internet for all my friends to see, I'm gonna make sure they KNOW that I'm being vulnerable and admire me for it. If I'm gonna do what God tells me, I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth.
The hard part comes again when God tells me to stop pointing it out every time. If I'm gonna be vulnerable, it has to be genuine, and there can't be any "Oh this is soooo hard for me!" He gets all the glory. Not me. Period.
Proverbs 16:2 says "All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by The Lord."
My heart isn't a secret to Him! He knows why I do what I do every time I do it, even if I don't. He doesn't stop at outward appearances that would say I'm so submitted to Him while I actually take the glory for myself. He doesn't stop there. He demands everything, motives and all. Because He's worthy.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Send the crowd away
"When the apostles returned, they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then He took them with Him and they withdrew by themselves to a place called Bethsaida, but the crowds learned about it and followed Him. He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing.
Late in the afternoon the twelve came to Him and said, 'Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here.'
He replied, 'You give them something to eat.'" (Luke 9:10-13)
This passage can be a parallel in a lot of ways, probably the most pointed out being that God provided in an impossible situation. But today I noticed something I had never really seen in it before.
Notice how the disciples saw a problem and immediately asked Jesus to make it go away. They saw that the people hadn't eaten and asked Jesus to send them away to get something to eat. And how does Jesus respond? He tells them to deal with the problem. The next part of the verse says this:
"They answered, 'We only have five loaves of bread and two fish-unless we go and buy food for all this crowd.'"
Now it doesn't say this in the Bible, but I could totally see some sarcasm going on here. Because seriously, the disciples didn't have anywhere near enough money to go buy food for 5,000+ people.
We can be like this a lot, I think. A hard situation comes up, and we, knowing that God can do anything, immediately ask Him to make it go away, most of the time not even stopping to ask whether He wants it to go away or not.
See, if Jesus had sent all the people away, there would've been no miraculous feeding, and the disciples wouldn't have seen God's divine provision.
God knows what He's doing. I'll probably have to tell myself that a thousand times before I die, but it's true. He knew that the disciples and the people as well needed to see His power. He knew that He could provide. In His eyes, there was never a problem in the first place.
So next time a problem comes up, stop and think before you beg God to make it go away. He just might have something better than that.
Late in the afternoon the twelve came to Him and said, 'Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here.'
He replied, 'You give them something to eat.'" (Luke 9:10-13)
This passage can be a parallel in a lot of ways, probably the most pointed out being that God provided in an impossible situation. But today I noticed something I had never really seen in it before.
Notice how the disciples saw a problem and immediately asked Jesus to make it go away. They saw that the people hadn't eaten and asked Jesus to send them away to get something to eat. And how does Jesus respond? He tells them to deal with the problem. The next part of the verse says this:
"They answered, 'We only have five loaves of bread and two fish-unless we go and buy food for all this crowd.'"
Now it doesn't say this in the Bible, but I could totally see some sarcasm going on here. Because seriously, the disciples didn't have anywhere near enough money to go buy food for 5,000+ people.
We can be like this a lot, I think. A hard situation comes up, and we, knowing that God can do anything, immediately ask Him to make it go away, most of the time not even stopping to ask whether He wants it to go away or not.
See, if Jesus had sent all the people away, there would've been no miraculous feeding, and the disciples wouldn't have seen God's divine provision.
God knows what He's doing. I'll probably have to tell myself that a thousand times before I die, but it's true. He knew that the disciples and the people as well needed to see His power. He knew that He could provide. In His eyes, there was never a problem in the first place.
So next time a problem comes up, stop and think before you beg God to make it go away. He just might have something better than that.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Humility, Grace, and Mercy
It took me a long time to learn about humility. I was raised in a Christian home, with Christian parents and grandparents. I've probably missed church a total of less than a hundred times in my life.
I'm not saying any of this to brag, but so you can understand what I'm going to say next.
I used to think that I was okay on my own. I used to think that I was good enough for Jesus. I used to think that my sins were so small and few that Jesus probably didn't even notice them. But when I did mess up, the above beliefs caused me to think that now I had messed up my perfectness, and God was disappointed in me. It's a horrible feeling. And it can get depressing. I'd try and try and try to get things right, and when I'd inevitably mess up, I'd promise myself I'd never do it again. And when I'd mess up despite all my promises, I'd feel worthless, to myself and to God.
But then, through God's grace, I got a revelation of humility. Man, did I realize how imperfect I am!
When you get a revelation of humility, it enables you to see grace and mercy clearly. Grace is getting what you don't deserve. Mercy is not getting what you do deserve. When I falsely believed that I was alright on my own, I had no need for grace or mercy.
But when I got the revelation of humility, I realized just how amazing God's grace and mercy are. Every time I mess up, I can know that God's grace keeps me from total destruction. Every time I mess up, I can know that He isn't disappointed in my dirtiness because the cross has covered me.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind but now I see.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
I'm not saying any of this to brag, but so you can understand what I'm going to say next.
I used to think that I was okay on my own. I used to think that I was good enough for Jesus. I used to think that my sins were so small and few that Jesus probably didn't even notice them. But when I did mess up, the above beliefs caused me to think that now I had messed up my perfectness, and God was disappointed in me. It's a horrible feeling. And it can get depressing. I'd try and try and try to get things right, and when I'd inevitably mess up, I'd promise myself I'd never do it again. And when I'd mess up despite all my promises, I'd feel worthless, to myself and to God.
But then, through God's grace, I got a revelation of humility. Man, did I realize how imperfect I am!
When you get a revelation of humility, it enables you to see grace and mercy clearly. Grace is getting what you don't deserve. Mercy is not getting what you do deserve. When I falsely believed that I was alright on my own, I had no need for grace or mercy.
But when I got the revelation of humility, I realized just how amazing God's grace and mercy are. Every time I mess up, I can know that God's grace keeps me from total destruction. Every time I mess up, I can know that He isn't disappointed in my dirtiness because the cross has covered me.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind but now I see.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
Friday, March 22, 2013
All my eyes wanna see
In the song All I Need is You by Hillsong United, there's a line in the first verse that says "All my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You." I'm not sure what exactly Hillsong meant to convey through this line. It could be seen as a longing to see Him, but the way I've always interpreted it is, "My eyes never want to see more than just a little bit of You."
When we used to sing this song in youth group, I loved that line because it's so true. Of course I want Him. But the implications of staying with Him include doing things my flesh doesn't want to so. So all it wants to see is a little bit. The "good" part. The part of Him that blesses and promises and protects. That's all my eyes want to see. They don't want to see the part that asks me to go out of my comfort zone. They don't want to see the part that says "Die to self." They don't want to see the part that convicts me of my sin.
John 3:19-20 says, "This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." (this vulnerability thing is coming full circle)
So my eyes only want to see a little bit of Him. They don't want my darkness to be exposed in the light. I always loved that line in the song because it was the cry of my heart; I got to sing it out loud, then beg Him to come near anyway. Because He's worth the embarrassment of my sin.
The last part of that passage in John says this: "But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."
To Him be all the glory.
When we used to sing this song in youth group, I loved that line because it's so true. Of course I want Him. But the implications of staying with Him include doing things my flesh doesn't want to so. So all it wants to see is a little bit. The "good" part. The part of Him that blesses and promises and protects. That's all my eyes want to see. They don't want to see the part that asks me to go out of my comfort zone. They don't want to see the part that says "Die to self." They don't want to see the part that convicts me of my sin.
John 3:19-20 says, "This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed." (this vulnerability thing is coming full circle)
So my eyes only want to see a little bit of Him. They don't want my darkness to be exposed in the light. I always loved that line in the song because it was the cry of my heart; I got to sing it out loud, then beg Him to come near anyway. Because He's worth the embarrassment of my sin.
The last part of that passage in John says this: "But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."
To Him be all the glory.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
"What if we just sat here..."
So I was babysitting today, and Brennan and I were playing the board game Mousetrap. At some points there are spaces that tell you to go back a certain amount of spaces. Sometimes, you'll land on one of those spaces, and after you go back and you roll again, you land on the "Go Back __ Spaces" space again. and again, etc, etc. it's happened before that one of us has been stuck in such a pattern for quite a few turns. Today, one of us landed in a "go back" space, then landed on it again. Brennan made the comment, "What if we did that a bunch of times? What if we just sat here going back and forth until we got old and died?" Out loud, I said something like, "That would be crazy." But as soon as he said it, God whispered.
Brennan basically said, "What if we just sat here going in circles and not moving anywhere until we died?" Is that not the voice of God through a child or what?
Because you know, as crazy as it sounds to be stuck playing a board game forever, I believe tons and tons of us are doing something very similar. We go through life just living for the heck of it. We don't dare experience God in bigger ways or even share Him with others. We go through life without going anywhere at all. Everyday waking up and doing our day, then at the end, going back to the beginning and starting over. And over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
But the thing with life, is that it's not random. You don't have to roll a die to figure out if you can get out of the rut. You just have to make the decision to be courageous and live.
Brennan basically said, "What if we just sat here going in circles and not moving anywhere until we died?" Is that not the voice of God through a child or what?
Because you know, as crazy as it sounds to be stuck playing a board game forever, I believe tons and tons of us are doing something very similar. We go through life just living for the heck of it. We don't dare experience God in bigger ways or even share Him with others. We go through life without going anywhere at all. Everyday waking up and doing our day, then at the end, going back to the beginning and starting over. And over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
But the thing with life, is that it's not random. You don't have to roll a die to figure out if you can get out of the rut. You just have to make the decision to be courageous and live.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Leave Yourself at Home
What advice would I give a first-time missionary? I thought about this today. Why? I have no idea why I thought of it, but I did.
And this is what came to mind: Leave yourself at home. When you go to the airport, leave yourself behind. Leave that girl/boy there and when you come back walk right past her/him without looking back.
What happens on a mission trip that changes you so much? Well first there's obviously the fact that you're in a place you've never been before. But more importantly, you are put in situations where you have a choice: stay comfortable and shut your mouth, or torture the part of yourself that wants to back down, and share the Gospel boldly.
I've discovered that at the beginning of every trip, there are actually two trips before you. One where you let your flesh win: you come to the point where you can share your faith, and let your fear win. This is the trip you regret. The other one is constant discomfort. But it's worth it. You come to a situation where you can share the Gospel and despite everything in you that screams for you to just shut up, you choose to share Jesus. And it's the most wonderful feeling.
And you know? We need to do the same thing every day. When we sit down with our Bibles in the morning, we need to leave ourselves there. Leave ourselves at home. When we walk out the door, we should leave us there and let Jesus have His way.
And sometimes His way is pretty stinkin uncomfortable. But that's okay. Because if we leave ourselves at home, we won't be there to stop Him.
And this is what came to mind: Leave yourself at home. When you go to the airport, leave yourself behind. Leave that girl/boy there and when you come back walk right past her/him without looking back.
What happens on a mission trip that changes you so much? Well first there's obviously the fact that you're in a place you've never been before. But more importantly, you are put in situations where you have a choice: stay comfortable and shut your mouth, or torture the part of yourself that wants to back down, and share the Gospel boldly.
I've discovered that at the beginning of every trip, there are actually two trips before you. One where you let your flesh win: you come to the point where you can share your faith, and let your fear win. This is the trip you regret. The other one is constant discomfort. But it's worth it. You come to a situation where you can share the Gospel and despite everything in you that screams for you to just shut up, you choose to share Jesus. And it's the most wonderful feeling.
And you know? We need to do the same thing every day. When we sit down with our Bibles in the morning, we need to leave ourselves there. Leave ourselves at home. When we walk out the door, we should leave us there and let Jesus have His way.
And sometimes His way is pretty stinkin uncomfortable. But that's okay. Because if we leave ourselves at home, we won't be there to stop Him.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
You Alone, O Lord..
Psalm 4:8
"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety."
The thing that blows my mind about this scripture is this:
Lack of imminent danger is not what makes me dwell in safety. Lack of a plot against my life is not what makes me dwell in safety. Only God does that.
Sometimes I think we don't give God enough credit for His Grace and Mercy. Because when I'm not getting a revelation of how messed up I am, I tend to think that I'm pretty good. Then God gives me a revelation and I realize that if He wasn't so merciful I would definitely not be in a good place right now, to say the least.
He is so good that He looks past all of our dirtiness and protects us both from imminent danger and from our destructive sinful nature.
"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord make me dwell in safety."
The thing that blows my mind about this scripture is this:
Lack of imminent danger is not what makes me dwell in safety. Lack of a plot against my life is not what makes me dwell in safety. Only God does that.
Sometimes I think we don't give God enough credit for His Grace and Mercy. Because when I'm not getting a revelation of how messed up I am, I tend to think that I'm pretty good. Then God gives me a revelation and I realize that if He wasn't so merciful I would definitely not be in a good place right now, to say the least.
He is so good that He looks past all of our dirtiness and protects us both from imminent danger and from our destructive sinful nature.
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